a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
Kangaruex4Ewe posted this and totally agreed:
Children naturally start pulling away from parents at around this age. They have to, else they would never leave home. Some kids rebel
regardless of how they were raised. It just happens. But maybe he is rebelling because he feels he has no control over anything in his life right now.
He feels the need to control something, and his attitude may be what he is showing you he has the last say in
It reminded me of my friend who's grandson was so structured he was taking swimming, tai quon do, and limited game or computer time. His time always
managed by her and he started to rebel possibly a year older than your son.
But there is a time when you have to have discussions on the merits of youtube video or game, but not totally ban it, because they are choosing
something their friends already do, and yet its ok to discuss and even come up with alternative activities. But he still requires some choices, and
free time not just structured.
Also one other thing came to me is his age. He is in preteen years. How fast is he maturing physically, has he gone through any height changes
There is a natural testosterone increase that occurs, preteen in some, early teen in others, and lasts for a few good years, ex. say 12-16 in some,
that can be very hard on family, and even hard on him if one doesnt draw him aside and say, you're going to stick it out and understand why some of
this is being said. Allow communication to spill forth from him, and with a boy, they're not hardwired to talk as much as a girl, if at all. So you
sort of say, I feel messages, rather "you did this" messages, and then ask for his ideas for problem solving, not that you're completely concurring
with them you're taking it into context, and also ask for his ideas of what would seem right for when boundaries are broken.
Giving him more choices and even to help solve some of the problems, so he can learn different outcomes trial and error and learn. Picking and
choosing and of course this is not about very damaging things, but some things many parents wouldn't feel comfortable with.
Also finding out what he's interested in. Some people put junior in sports when he's an artist for example. Or maybe needs a break from doing and
wants to grow his communication and networking skills a little. Its finding out what makes him tick and makes him happy. And developing in him some
skills to solve problems.
Try to choose humor.
So, my 13 year old gets upset, angry, occasionally swears at us, and he has hormones firing off, headaches are quite common with this, and he gets
them, needs more sleep, misses school from headaches and stomach aches and bad health. And teenagers need as much sleep as toddlers do. They are
undergoing massive changes, and hormone surges.
Alot of understanding for the need to pull away from parental control should be discussed, while a the same time expressing a bit of team work.
When someone steps over what he thinks is his rights, as a concerned parent, one can say, ouch, you hurt my feelings, when you know I just am looking
out for you because I love you and thats what moms do, but understand you wanted to do this your way at this point. In a kind of humorous
And also tell him about the hormones, and tell you're there for him no matter what.
Open channels of communication and have alot of humor at some of it.
edit on 15-5-2014 by Unity_99 because: (no reason given)