a reply to: schuyler
The fact that this was a better future opportunity is the ONLY reason I was ok with the decision...and that was hard...in the beginning. I realize
that his first job was not what he wanted but we had planned on looking for another job in another year or so and then this happened so quickly.
As for money- I don't care. The only reason I mentioned pay was because it was used as reason that he thought this would be a good idea. Monetarily,
I could care less. I wish he would give up everything and become a mechanic..,which is something he loves. But a salary is different in different
places; where he lives is next to D.C. And is expensive and not where I want to live. Additionally, he travels a lot so I would be alone there, thus
changing from missing my husband to missing my boys. We have spent the last couple of decades away from our families and that hurt more than most
things. So, money is his issue-not mine.
When I stated that my children come first, it has real meaning for me in a different way. My mother always said that her marriage always came first,
as did my best friend...we used to have long discussions about that. Well, for both of them I wondered- which marriage? The first, second, third? I
know my boys are adults but we, as a family, made decisions about their futures, including turning down scholarships that included living in the
dorms. My sons are no where as mature as I was at their ages but I am fine with that. They are a senior and sophomore in college with straight As,
part-time jobs, and wonderful young men who give me no problems. My oldest is currently looking for a graduate school and that will be difficult but
wonderful for him if he chooses to attend school in another area.
I put the question out there, fully prepared for all opinions. Sometimes I feel selfish. Other times, I get frustrated with giving and giving. We all
make sacrifices and I guess my biggest issue is that I sometimes get into a mood about wondering what job satisfaction is really worth. Although he
hated his job, doesn't a garbage man? I don't know. Maybe I am very selfish in that fact.
He has a permanent position now, a great position. But it hasn't stopped him from still applying to other jobs. I don't know if he will ever be
happy and maybe we should have stayed in a while longer....no, we weren't pushed out and, yes, he was a senior officer. He misses it, I know, but it
was a decision we both made after a lot of thought and reflection. He doesn't want to not work, he's still young and healthy and we have spent too
much money on his education ( out of our pockets the last couple of years since he doesn't qualify for the GI Bill) . The education is another sore
spot with me but I am proud of him in pursuing extended degrees. I was a previously enlisted soldier who utilized the GI Bill but only have a Bachelor
I guess it boils down to making a decision together, looking at all the facts. It was rushed and messy and we still haven't got through it in great
style. We had a plan but that plan changed in an instant. The end result was both good and bad and we need to fully realize both the benefits and the
regrets. Maybe I should bocce the main provider? Functionally, that is not likely since I have stayed home with my children more than I have worked
plus he loves working and it is best for my children ( not everyone's decision ) for me to stay home. I was in the military for 8 years, first as a
new recruit and then after college as a junior officer as an AGR. We made the decision that, with all of he deployments, for me to resign and stay
home. It was difficult at first, but I don't regret a second of it.
So, thank you for your honest assessment. I don't understand the reliance of salary in it but I did mention money and that is a big part of any
employment decision and especially in one that takes you far away from family. To me, the permanence of the position was the primary factor in being
somewhat understanding. But that understanding becomes muddied when he continues to seek another job after this whole experience.
Finally, I think love and time are the two best factors that will help us out.