Ending love the one I still love...

Today is a sad day.. I decided to quit my seven years of marriage .. I still love her but she's hurting and fighting on almost every thing I do in my live. I don't see any way out after many relationship therapy and endless discussions I've de decided to stop this.

I moved towns at the very beginning when we were in love .. I left all my family for her because I loved her.
I always tried to make her happy but I never seemed to satisfy her needs. We have 2 beautiful children together but the last couple of years our fights got heavier. I always stopped the fights when the kids were around because I hated my own parents for it when they did.

Sadly I lost both my parents and now I have to decide to leave the love of my live and kids. To save the agony of to fighting parents hoping this for them will end... It f....g hurts real bad.

I still love her but I can't coop her aggression against me .. I know in strength I outlaw her but that's the lowest thing to do I .. so I will leave and try to keep my head high.. I'm a survivor always have and always done my whole life..

tomorrow I will talk to my little ones about my desission. The hardest thing a man has to do..

I know I'm not the first walking this path billions of people walked this road and there will be light at the end.. The easy part is that I've been there before so I know the deal..

I say to myself I will never do this again.. but I think I can't live alone forever..

For the mean time I think I will hang around here sometimes until I move places ..
Probably the doomsday threads will have the most traction to me.. whatever you do don't do what I'm doing it sucks big time I can tell you that..

Peace:

Been through it. Got over it. Get a dog and drink lots of beer. Find something productive to focus your attention on. More will come along. It may be a blessing in disguise.

a reply to: skunkape23
I know it will .. Sure beer will be my friend for awhile .. gonna do the things i left behind like visit some bars with friends and stuff ...thnx for the reminder almost forgot

I know it is a difficult time and admire what you have done for the sake of your children. Believe it or not research shows that children do better when parents separate than live in a household where parents fight constantly. Children should always come first. I was unfortunate that my mum left and my dad caused a lot of problems. I was only 10 and he told me my mother left because she did not love us anymore. Imagine the impact that had on me as a child! This and the fact he remarried and we got the step mother from hell. My younger brother and sister as well as myself grew up thinking we were bad and din't deserve any sort of happiness.

Many failed relationships. Bad relationships. Mental health problems.

You will come out the other end I promise. You will heal eventually and other opportunities will present themselves.

Please, please, please put your children first and let them see that despite separating both you and your wife still love your children and that nothing has changed with regard to that.

I really hope the hurt doesn't consume you and that you will heal in the next year.

All the best Earthblaxe

a reply to: 0bserver1

I hear ya bud.... been there myself, but the plus side to my marriage ending was that I wasn't in love with her...

this is good advice IMHO

Get a dog and drink lots of beer. Find something productive to focus your attention on. More will come along. It may be a blessing in disguise. - See more at: www.abovetopsecret.com...

now I found the love I wanted my whole life, but it came with even more complications...

Such is life... but you'll get through it...

Plus you can always find someone to talk to here

Much love

She made the choice for me after Loving her for 15 years to the day, two kids , two dogs...I stayed at home with them due her job paying obnoxiously well but her hours sucked. Then she told me she didnt Love me anymore. In front of the children. But wanted to stay married to keep up appearances with her family...I couldn't.

The only regret I have is...I havent been able to see my kids for over a year due to her legal shennanigans. They were and are my world. They need a father. Your children will NEED you. If you need some time to blow off steam, do it. But get your kids back in your life as soon as possible.

let me offer you some advice, have a custody agreement drawn up BEFORE you walk out that door, and just to be clear make sure its 50/50 joint physical, joint legal. ANYTHING else means you are giving her power and control over you via your children. DO NOT be a stupid F*ck and go months without seeing your kids. All you do is give her ammo to screw you for support. WHATEVER you establish when you first leave is what is going to be until the kids are grown. the ONLY way you can change custody as a father is to prove her unfit. good luck bud.

Aww man...I'm really sorry.

You sound resolute though, determined and not hopeless. That's good.

Just always do right by your kids and try to take the high road with your ex.

a reply to: 0bserver1

Sorry dude. I lost my wife (died) and invested in the stock market and started talking to married women on ATS..it will get it off your chest and make you wonder why you are going crazy.. Good luck!!

Hahaha!!

Really..just take one day at a time

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
Albert Einstein

a reply to: 0bserver1
Mate I've always admired your intelligence and wit, but I think you are making a mistake here. This is YOUR family and it is in crisis, it is your job to guide them through these troubled times. You, my friend are the glue that binds YOUR family together. A man does not walk away from his wife and his children because things have become sour or because the family counselling didn't work like you had thought it would. NO!

Are you going to walk away and allow some other dude to fill your shoes as the head of your own family? Your wife's life partner? Your kids main father figure? WTF mate? The phrase "It's better for the children because we fight all the time." is the biggest load of crap I have heard since the bloody Jehovah's witnesses came knocking. I hear that same line a lot these days lately. What ever happened to being a man? There is one thing you never stop fighting for mate, and that is your family.

Take some time out, go to your hometown and catch up with old friends and family for a week or so by yourself. Recharge your batteries and gain some focus on what you're doing. Then go home to your beautiful family and lead the way out of this dark period. Make sure you do little things such as eating dinner at the table as a family. Perhaps find a better family counselor. Create good times and do family activities, even just a walk to the park and fly a kite. Do all of these things and more all the time, you will find that you will all begin to enjoy each others company. Rebuild and strengthen your friendship with your wife. It's gonna be a tough battle to save your family, but you've only just started to fight yeah! It's up to you to lead the way my friend.

originally posted by: camain
let me offer you some advice, have a custody agreement drawn up BEFORE you walk out that door, and just to be clear make sure its 50/50 joint physical, joint legal. ANYTHING else means you are giving her power and control over you via your children. DO NOT be a stupid F*ck and go months without seeing your kids. All you do is give her ammo to screw you for support. WHATEVER you establish when you first leave is what is going to be until the kids are grown. the ONLY way you can change custody as a father is to prove her unfit. good luck bud.

Custody laws vary country to country and even state to state. I was screwed over. But custody can be revisited anytime. As many times as you want. Going through it now. But you're right. Fight from the get go or risk the pain that drove me to suicide, homelessness, since I had no money or many friends 9 months after relocating 1500 miles. Those that I did have got me through. Now, ive been living with my girlfriend and her kids for a year and things would be perfect if only I had my kids...and a dog.

You'll make it. You always have a choice in Life. And you need to find your Joy. Infinite Compassion be with you.

a reply to: 0bserver1

Words seem to fail, so I thought I'd give you this cute picture. I wish you the best, and especially your kids. Stay as close as possible to them.

I am so very sorry it has come to this for you and your family. I can only offer a big hug and hope that somehow things work out in the end.

a reply to: the owlbear

my point is, you decided to leave so don't let her drag you around by the nose now, or later. establish your right, defend them vigourously and don't give an inch. As far as fighting after the fact, courts do not change custody unless both parties agree, or the party is unfit. Again, what you give her now is what your going to get unless she is a crack whore, in and out of prison and I doubt very seriously that is the case. Once a pattern is establish her lawyer will fight every single time that you shouldn't change whats working for the children. I can not emphasize enough, how it is important for you to do your due diligence and make damn sure you protect your rights as a father. Just because she is a good mom doesn't mean you don't deserve 50/50 with your children. fight for your children and fight for yourself. you decided to do this now follow it through and stick to your gungs. Again, WHATEVER you give her now, is what she is going to have later. whatever it may be. if you give her primary and 5 days a week and you see your kids every other weekend, guess what, your paying, your paying a lot, and more importantly hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. she will hold you to it. defend yourself now, defend yourself early, hit her hard before she has a chance to regroup from the trama you just gave her.

a reply to: 0bserver1

Im sorry its come to an end for you. I certainly know how that feels first hand. No matter how hard you try sometimes its just not enough. Theres only so much pain you can take before you have to move on. I wish you the best of luck

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I want to thank you all for the kind words and understanding . Ive been away for several days because we had to take some time out for ourselfs yesterday she called me up to say she wanted to give it another try , and that we should have more respect for each others wishes and equal support in household and many other things where I think many of us can find them selfs in..

So I came back hopefully this time out changed the situation for both and that we can build to a better relationship for us but also our kids...

Some of you gave me good insights .. And yes I will buy myself a Dog if this really not going to work out , But not yet lol

a reply to: 0bserver1
Fantastic news mate