I'm telling ya man... Zombie's is really Real!

I live with a Zombie wife!

Yup every morning my Zombie wife exits our bedroom, hair mussed, robe askew, wearing her traditional Zombie fuzzy pink bunny slippers.
Performing the classic Zombie shuffle she'll come down the hall and into the living room, greeting me and our daughters in that typical Zombie way.

“Urguuuugggg”

Mindlessly in her Zombisc way, she'll shamble into the kitchen and pour herself a cup of coffee. Taking a sip she'll expresses her Zombie pleasure.

“Urguuuugggg”

Filled cup in hand, the Zombie wife returns to the living room, snatching away the TV remote from her daughter.

“Urguuuugggg”

She'll turn off the girls cartoons and put on the morning news with that self-satisfied Zombie dissonance.

“Urguuuugggg”

Now is the most dangerous time of day to live with a Zombie. Make a sudden move, say the wrong thing, do anything that draws the Zombies attention to you and she'll bite your head off!

“Urguuuugggg”

Turns out coffee is the preferred method for the undead to mix and mingle with us, the living.

“Urguuuugggg”

Somehow it changes them, transforms them, disguises them to look like one of us!

“Urguuuugggg”

By the time she's had her second cup her heart will beat again.

“Urguuuugggg”

As she nurses a third, color will return to her face and her eyes begin to show signs of intelligent cognition.

“Urguuuugggg”

Slowly, sip by sip, the Zombie wife transmutes into this vaguely human entity.

“Urguuuugggg”

Usually it's at this point that the Zombie wife becomes aware of her surroundings, where she is, what's she's doing. She will turn to see her husband and girls huddled together at the far, far, far end of the sofa, warily watching her for signs of aggressiveness,

“Knock it off you guys... You know I'm not a morning person!”

To which the three of us will reply in unison.

“Urguuuugggg”

Offer her fried brains for breakfast, and see what happens...

a reply to: HardCorps

That was a hilarious read!


It also very much describes me in the morning as well....I'm definitely not a morning person at all.

In fact, the rule in my house is than no one even speaks to me until the first cup is finished.

It really is best for everyone.

Thats so funny only sad part is im the zombie in my house, i just function better in the night

In the immortal words of Scooby-Doo

"Rut-Roo"

Seems like other Zombies have read my morning post...
I told you they were among us!

originally posted by: HardCorps
In the immortal words of Scooby-Doo

"Rut-Roo"

Seems like other Zombies have read my morning post...
I told you they were among us!

Braaaaaiiiins..........braaaaaiiiins.

Nah, just kidding...I've had my daily quota of caffeine so, I'm all good now.

a reply to: HardCorps

I really hope you've seen Shaun of the Dead...
Your anecdote reminded me of that gem. Watch it with subtitles on...

originally posted by: the owlbear
a reply to: HardCorps

I really hope you've seen Shaun of the Dead...
Your anecdote reminded me of that gem. Watch it with subtitles on...

Shaun of the Dead
Classic, one of our all time faves..

So was that Zombie Sheep movie that came out of New Zealand a few years back

a reply to: HardCorps



I cant believe i saw this, and i cant believe i forget about it

a reply to: Indigent

Black Sheep...
I couldn't remember the name.

you'll never find the DVD, one of those you have to download or watch online.

thanks for reminding me.

Hahahahahaha! I thought you were writing about me. That was great! LOL

a reply to: HardCorps
I assume she doesn't read your ATS posts then?

Man that was funny and I can relate.
And I don't even have kids,that would probably make it 100 times worse.

a reply to: Silcone Synapse

believe it or not my lovely wife proof read, edited, made one small grammatical error correction.
then she looks me in the eyes and says..

"That is too funny--- go on post it--- By the way you are so dead!"

oh yeah, she's seen it...

Wanna see a bunch of zombies? Find a bunch of kids with cell phones.

a reply to: HardCorps
My Ex actually Shuffled and drag a leg and grumble! Before her first cup of coffee, one reason she is my ex.

a reply to: HardCorps

That was seriously funny! (I'm still chuckling...hehehe...)

I used to be a human in the morning...now, sadly...I too am a zombie.
I sit in my car in ridiculously long drive-thru line-ups, just to receive my plasma.

Umm...when does the apocalypse start? (the zombie apocalypse, obviously)
I can shuffle with the best of them.

jacygirl (S&F of course)

originally posted by: HardCorps
a reply to: Silcone Synapse

believe it or not my lovely wife proof read, edited, made one small grammatical error correction.
then she looks me in the eyes and says..

"That is too funny--- go on post it--- By the way you are so dead!"

oh yeah, she's seen it...

Haha,quality Bro-at least she can speak after the coffee then,I sometimes struggle even then.

Joking aside,sounds like you are a lucky man.

a reply to: HardCorps

Dude, isn't this the same one that took away your "MAN" pants? Just kidding, I'm not a morning person but I can form a complete sentence early, before coffee; it just may not be something you want to hear. Good luck and make strong coffee, it helps.

a reply to: HardCorps

The opening word's made me chuckle out loud, there is a great movie and one of the best Zombie film's ever made called the Serpent and the Rainbow directed by Wes Craven in 1987 and panned by critic's but I enjoyed it and regard it as a good film.
It is "loosley" based on a true story and set in Haiti under the Tonton Macoute, it is about a Pharmeceutical field researcher whom was sent there by his employers to try to obtain the Zombie Drug only to encounder Voodu and more than he ever expected when he met a evil voodu priest whom stole the soul's of his victim's turning them into slave's.
Anyway your wife is not the only one and I myself and usually half dead before lunch.

That's funny. My wife never has a second cup of coffee at home....