posted on May, 8 2014 @ 09:53 AM
I must congratulate the OP on coming up with the excellent idea of posting on ATS to get new angles for his story. It's sometimes pretty hard to
overcome the writer's block...
A few subtleties that you might consider changing...
Groups who refer to 'the evil one' as Lucifer always refer to that entity as a being of light (hence Lucifer) and not a 'dark' Lord. Groups that refer
to a Dark Lord prefer to use Satan (or synonym thereof).
The pentagram is a symbol used in all of Magick, but is very seldom applied in it's pure form to Satanism or similar groups. In such groups, it is
usually inverted embellished with a picture of a goat/Baphomet inside the pentagram.
Better to leave out the company details to avoid legal repercussions. Rather just call it a large fast food franchise or give it a pseudonym.
Getting two robes for one ritual is extremely unusual (Knights Templar is the only ritual I know where more than one robe is worn in a single
ceremony. Usually, each subsequent degree or ritual requires new regalia, which is only revealed to the candidate on doing the higher degree).
Furthermore, even in the Knight's Templar, the first garment is only temporary and is exchanged for the permanent regalia, and as such, is borrowed to
the candidate for the duration of the ceremony, and then used again for the next candidate.
These may sound silly, but they all sprung to mind as I was reading the story. Although persons who are not members of mystery schools would probably
never pick up on these subtleties anyway.
Just my 2c...
edit on 8/5/2014 by Saurus because: (no reason given)