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Battle of the sexes

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posted on May, 2 2014 @ 10:10 PM
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Recent threads and current events have prompted me to write something intelligent, topical, thoughtful, and sophisticated.

But I forgot what that was so I'm writing about this.


Ever since Cleopatra told Mark Anthony that he could sleep on the couch because she had her pyramid that night, men have been relegated to the subservient category of provider.

Women are smart. Have you even seen sizes in women's clothing? You need an advanced degree in intra-dimensional quantum mechanics to get sizes right. And forget about cooking! A cup of this, two teaspoons of that, a quart of whatever. . . I can't even convert meters to Fahrenheit correctly!
Women are the smarter species. Yes, I said species. They are totally different from men. Have you seen men today? They try to emulate women by shaving their chest, their arm pits, their legs! I watch the typical male on shows like MSNBC and all I can think of is "bikini wax"!
But women are a different species.

In the best selling book, "Women are from Venus and Men Suck" author and woman, Betty Something-or-other talks about . . um. . . well to be honest, I bought the book-on-tape. And when women get to yacking, I kind of just tuned out.
But they are different. They smell better, and are soft, and curvy. Just like Justin Beiber.

Women are smart. (Did I already say that??) Imagine that you live in a harsh environment filled with lethal elements and an environment that could kill you in an instant. Yes, just like the line to get pre-tickets to the new Godzilla movie. Well, women hang back at the cave, or loft, or house and tend to the children and Facebook and drink all the good wine in the house. They never touch the cheap stuff. Oh no. As soon as the "man" goes out in the wild to hunt and forage (or go to pick up more bleu cheese because she needs more for her salad) she immediately goes for the good stuff. The French stuff with words like "vin" and "Le" and "Le Mad Douge".

The point is, the smarter species sends out the dumber species to do it's bidding. The man who says that he is in charge, actually is. Of the hunting party to bring food and tribute back to his Queen.
Once back in the Palace, the woman resumes control.

If I could withstand the pain of a bikini wax and lotions to sit back and have a stereo-typical woman provide for me, I'd do it in an instant. Though I do tend to cry if I even have to pluck a nose hair. Which is why I think we are a different species.

Forget waterboarding terrorists. Tape them to a chair and walk in with tweezers and pluck 3 hairs from the nose of terrorist Sala'd-bin-Dressing. You'll have bank accounts, maps, plans, and his life history in an instant!

So in conclusion I can only say that in the "battle of the sexes" it was nice of the women to make us even think that we were actually competing.




posted on May, 2 2014 @ 10:19 PM
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originally posted by: beezzer
So in conclusion I can only say that in the "battle of the sexes" it was nice of the women to make us even think that we were actually competing.


Hell ,I am agender!



posted on May, 2 2014 @ 10:19 PM
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a reply to: beezzer

Very well written dear Beezzer,

I even let my husband kill all the spiders in the house and change all the light bulbs.
I could do it myself, but why the hassle?
He enjoys it so much.



You guys are alright.



edit on 2/5/2014 by Rainbowresidue because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 2 2014 @ 10:21 PM
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You have all the markings of a very wise man.

Thanks, Beezzer- that was awesome!



posted on May, 2 2014 @ 11:07 PM
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Beezer my friend, We may have our ongoing violently opposed positions on most things in life.

But here...here my friend..we are brothers in arms.



posted on May, 2 2014 @ 11:15 PM
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Thank you all for the replies.

I'm currently doing a major edit/re-write on my book.

My idol/hero/mentor/guru is Terry Pratchett.

I had a bit of left-over silliness and had to write it out.




posted on May, 2 2014 @ 11:54 PM
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originally posted by: beezzer
Thank you all for the replies.

I'm currently doing a major edit/re-write on my book.

My idol/hero/mentor/guru is Terry Pratchett.

I had a bit of left-over silliness and had to write it out.



Wow Beezer! We have something in common!!!!!


I am a HUGE Terry Pratchett fan and have all his Disc World series. Rincewind. DEATH. Enough said.

As for the other, I would say I must have missed out on "how to enslave a man" training...

Sheesh! And all this time I've been raising children, sweating over laundry, dishes and cooking, I could have been eating bonbons, watching soap operas and getting tipsy on the good stuff! Well, if I got tipsy that is, which I don't...no, I don't even have that part of it right! Well...off to massage my man's shoulders...

*sigh*

- AB



posted on May, 3 2014 @ 01:21 AM
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im free. no ball and chain here.
i do find the "battle of the sexes" amusing
and enjoy joking around. but at the same time
have to be real careful. some don't find it so funny and get the wrong idea.

was getting blood drawn at the clinic one day. the thing that held the computer equipment in the room
was broken or needed adjusting. 3 women in the room, one about to work on me, another one doing something and the third said she needed to get her tools. with my slightly twist sense of humor the first thought that popped into my mind was "she's getting a butter knife and a spatula". kinda smiled but before saying what i was thinking i told the one about to draw my blood id wait till after she was done. would't want to say something sexist even though i was kidding and joking while a woman has a sharp object she's about to poke me with. think the 3rd one with the tools made it back so it was said in front of the 3 women. but then i felt the need i was just joking and that i like to play with the "war of the sexes".

Im not stupid enough to say it when i'm about to get stabled but apparently i am stupid enough to say it in from of 3 of the superior species.



posted on May, 3 2014 @ 01:22 AM
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As trans, I've dealt with both sides of the issues, and all I have to say is...

Meh. Just get me a drink.



posted on May, 3 2014 @ 05:46 AM
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a reply to: beezzer

So yeah I wear the pants in my family just ask my wife. Right honey?



posted on May, 3 2014 @ 07:09 AM
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originally posted by: beezzer
Recent threads and current events have prompted me to write something intelligent, topical, thoughtful, and sophisticated.
Women are smart.
Women are the smarter species.
Women are smart. (Did I already say that??)

Forget waterboarding terrorists. Tape them to a chair and walk in with tweezers and pluck 3 hairs from the nose of terrorist Sala'd-bin-Dressing. You'll have bank accounts, maps, plans, and his life history in an instant!
So in conclusion I can only say that in the "battle of the sexes" it was nice of the women to make us even think that we were actually competing.




LOL !!

AWESOME


And there we have an intelligent man!! ... BEEZZER




edit on 3-5-2014 by eletheia because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 3 2014 @ 02:56 PM
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originally posted by: beezzer

But they are different. They smell better, and are soft, and curvy. Just like Justin Beiber.



hahahahaha you made me laugh from beginning to end, but this ^^^^ Justin Bieber.......that's cracking me up!
hahahahaha

Excellent post!



posted on May, 3 2014 @ 10:03 PM
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Thanks for all who have enjoyed my small essay on the sexes.



posted on May, 3 2014 @ 11:40 PM
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originally posted by: beezzer
Thanks for all who have enjoyed my small essay on the sexes.


I have yet to read a better one...



posted on May, 4 2014 @ 12:14 AM
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Saddle up.

beezz stepped in it again..



posted on May, 4 2014 @ 12:16 AM
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a reply to: SLAYER69

Hua!





posted on May, 4 2014 @ 02:50 AM
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a reply to: beezzer

The point is, the smarter species sends out the dumber species to do it's bidding. The man who says that he is in charge, actually is. Of the hunting party to bring food and tribute back to his Queen. Once back in the Palace, the woman resumes control.

Took me thirty years to figure this out on my own. I hope the young men of this forum lean heavily on your bunny wisdom.



posted on May, 4 2014 @ 02:57 AM
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a reply to: beezzer

Killin a brother beez...

Ye know the only reason they're in charge is because they have something we want...


its got nothing to do with intelligence...

Sigh...

Ye worry me a bit with the bieber comment LOL
edit on 4-5-2014 by Akragon because: (no reason given)



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