Can we post about teens with addictions (parenting advice)?

Just signed up somewhere else that caters to this stuff but I don't have any posting privileges. ATS might not be the type of place for this talk but I could use a little advice.

teens are stubborn as # and if you have 1 that's addicted to drugs your screwed they lie cheat and steal to fund their habit and there is no way around it the best advice is chuck them out and tell them not to come back home unless they are clean and stay clean .. a few nights on the streets should stop it unless they have like minded friends like I did in which case your still screwed because they will harbour them and you will think your child is sleeping under a bridge somewhere while they are getting high in their friends bedroom they will eventually come back and beg and you will take them back in you will feeling guilty only to find out their behaviour is continuing down the same path .

you have to be sure they are off whatever it is they are on because just asking them is not proof

if you don't play hard ball your teen will go completely off the rails and ruin their own life and yours

hope my advice helps because this is first hand experience solid gold advice I was 1 and my mum died giving me her last few pounds so I could buy drugs and I was only a pot head

I'm sorry to hear about your situation...

The only advice I can give you is stop supporting your child's addiction anyway you can.

They need to find the bottom on their own, living out in the wild with nothing can bring on a change in a person really quick.

Welcome to ATS! We could use and need more information before giving you any advice.

We don't know if you just have some questions and don't know how to talk to them or if there is a need for a Detox or to get the police involved or what you've already done or health risks. There will probably be some good advice links or places to start. Google is just too big sometimes!

Thanks for the replies.

I started a lengthy thread over a year ago leading up to my circumstances. For brevity, I will quickly say, he has been under my care and control for exactly 1-year and we have come full circle. He's already experienced the streets and has corrupted his girlfriend by getting her addicted to the drug of his choice. Recently they split and he's been MIA for about 48 hrs. He's with friends whom are also addicts.

He's got the spare keys, earns little money part-time doing asbestos removal, turns 19 in 4 months. Typical pattern is get the pay cheque and vanish for days on end. His mother will do absolutely anything to convince me to think of other options than booting him out. I've done it before. But I had to extricate him and his gf from the streets at one point. Things got dangerous and I had to "save" them.

Now he seems to be doing it again. I'm at my wits end and his mother will have a nervous breakdown if I turf him. After all, she sent him here for me to help him out. I tried. He made some progress but not enough. I fear this will go on for years.

eta: they stayed awake for an entire week while on the streets. This monster is too big for me.

a reply to: FlySolo

Hello,

I'm sorry that you have to go through this ordeal, the sad part is many many people go through this same issue.

Speaking as a former addict I can appreciate the struggle a parent can get put through, I know I put my mother through hell.

I can only assume that your son is addicted to one of 2 drugs, both are very very bad.

The truth is there isn't just one way to solve your problem. Circumstances change on a daily basis which are going to change your course of action.

The above comment stating that you should just throw your son out and insist that he become clean before he comes back is probably one of the worst things you can do. Although if at some point you don't feel safe with your son in your home, then you kick him out.

Addiction is usually a symptom of something larger causing problems in the addict life. Sometimes as a parent you may not know what these problems may be. Counseling is a good way to get things to come to the surface most of the time. Also a simple (not formal) intervention with other family members may surface some of this hidden issues.

For many addicts there are certain triggers that set off the addiction, has anything happened recently that has made your son revert to old behavior?

Has your son been to treatment? In-patient treatment? Although they say an addict needs to WANT to go to treatment in order for it to work(which i agree with) they do teach you great ways of dealing with your feelings and how to manage their life better. The more the addict knows about the addiction and the effects of the drugs the easier it is for that person to stop.

From what it sounds like to me, with the little information that I have, your son hasn't hit rock bottom yet. Most addicts will tell you that there is a moment of clarity where they realize that what they are doing is wrong. To some this moment doesn't come for a very long time. Others snap back into reality rather quickly.

My advice to you is to look into a treatment program. DO NOT give him money, keep your money and valuables locked up. If he does not want to go to treatment willingly you have 2 options, you can wait until he gets arrested which could be years or if you know he has drugs on him you can call the police yourselves. Although I don't know his backround or how many times he's been arrested, but normally for a drug charge you may have an opportunity to get court mandated drug treatment. Yes, it might suck that your son will have a felony on his record but it beats the alternative of your son getting so deep he can't get out or just dying from his drug abuse.

I can probably talk about this for hours....it would be much easier if I knew more about him. Your best course of action though would be to look into treatment. Also (he may not like this much) to keep him and his girlfriend separate for awhile since they seem to be feeding each others addictions. Who knows, she may wise up first and influence him to stop.

Don't give up on your son and don't give up hope. He needs you to be there when he snaps out of this haze he is in. He may not appreciate it now, but he will later.

a reply to: cavedweller88

Thanks. Your advice is similar to the approach his mother wants. I know booting h out will only force him to accept he's an addict and continue in that direction.

He has been to rehab for 6 months a few years ago. He's been using since 14. So he's already been down that road.

I've been struggling with a plan for when he decides to waltz back in.
1. Pay rent
2. Own food And cooking
Or give me the keys back. But these things seem trivial compared to the monkey on his back and I'm not sure what it will accomplish. Then on the other hand, I can't accept him using "M" and continue to live at my place like a drop in centre.

I gave him an ultimatum. Drugs or a relationship with his dad. That was a month ago. No change. I could ask if he's willing to go to rehab again but I already know the answer. He lost focus as to why he came here. The first relapse resulted in him crying. Now it's like "meh". Clearly I see he's not ready to stop.

His mom wants me to figure out how to get him back on track. No idea

a reply to: FlySolo

There is a program that is sponsored by the Vatican that my friend has just left for an apparently has an extremely good track record. As of now he is on a 6 month black out of communication to anyone, but once I talk to him I can give you more details, although i'm sure you can find more information about it online.

This is not your normal rehab, I think the only requirements are that you acknowledge the existence of god and you can't be gay. But what they do is send you off to one of their houses where you live with several other guys who are dealing with the same issues that your son is. You are given chores and stuff but really all they really do is teach you how to live life without drugs. From what I hear, its a blast. Then after 6 months to a year you get to choose the next place you get to live but it must be out of country. I think the options were Italy,England, China and a few others. Also, once your enrolled there is no end date so they can stay as long as they want to. Some guys stay in it for years!

Also I'm pretty sure that the Vatican covers all costs as well.

Like I said, I wish I knew the name of the program....To me as a former addict it sounds much more appealing than going to rehab and sitting through group every day. But yet again, he has to want to get better first.

a reply to: FlySolo

Could i ask what it is he is addicted to? Being a former user my self and still young i have a good way to usually get through to the younger crowd. I have many solutions but mainly 1 only works. Personal message me if u would like. I think i can be of some help. Stay strong and dont support his habbit.

a reply to: cavedweller88

Oh that would be next to impossible. This kid is Bart Simpson x20.

a reply to: Lifeishigh

Meth.

a reply to: FlySolo

Ya thankfully i never fell down that dark path but instead hit others.. I know meth can be one of the worse to stop, i would seperate him from were u are then, friends especially. But more importantly, if he still doesent relize he is the problem and he needs to get off the juice, then u gota let him hit the bottom, just harder and without u to pick him out of it...

Never, ever take parenting, medical, or psychological advice online.

If you are that concerned seek legitimate help/referrals from within your own community, from people you can trust, and that have some background and verifiable credentials.

That is my advice.

I wrote a little about my experience HERE!

Ill quote myself for easability tho.

I doubt any drug addict want to be addicted to a drug and watch their world crash around them while they slowly care less and less. This is only an example of the destructive power of a substance on the mind and it's ability to alter determination. Most try an addictive substance out of curiosity or pressure saying, "Im just going to try this one time". However and this is from experience of having almost been a victim to it, the drug tricks you by offering you this great euphoria and some of the best times you never thought you could have only to strip them from you and hinder the positive determination that once surged within. It takes a strong person and a lot of positive thought to get out of the hole of addiction but it takes a stronger person to avoid it all together knowing full well it is not healthy for you. Logic and reason should prevent all from falling victim to this but not all of us use either. I am grateful that I learned from my experiences and tell others now what can come from them.

a reply to: Lifeishigh

There's only two possible roads to take. Support him or reject him. I'm leaning towards the latter. He text me out of the blue tonight. "Want to go to the gym tomorrow?"

He's testing the waters with me. The three days are up and he wants to come home but he needs to know my state of mind.He knows after 48 hrs a drug test would be inconclusive with meth so that's why he's inquiring now. I didn't respond

a reply to: ausername

It's a combo of everything I'm doing

Ouch, it's bad news, meth and herion are bad as hell. Lost some friends to it. As a parent it's tough, but not really much you can do about it. The only way anyone really ever gets clean is when they decide it for themself. Seen many let people talk them into rehab, as soon as they are out the door, back to the drugs

originally posted by: TKDRL
Ouch, it's bad news, meth and herion are bad as hell. Lost some friends to it. As a parent it's tough, but not really much you can do about it. The only way anyone really ever gets clean is when they decide it for themself. Seen many let people talk them into rehab, as soon as they are out the door, back to the drugs

I have to agree with you, the addict has to want to give up. My sister is a drinker, she's stopped now,(we think,we hope). About eight months ago she was so ill I dragged her to the doctors. Her skin was yellow and blotchy, she had the wrinkles of an eighty year old woman, she was emaciated through lack of eating and most alllarmingly her eye balls were luminous yellow,,and I'm not exaggerating that. She is a single parent to my niece, the dad has never been around, and a we are a very small family,my dads nearly eighty and there's just me and my two girls.
That day the doctor told her that her liver was failing and if she carried on drinking she would die. So then we had the tears and promises that she would give up. Within weeks she was drinking again. Shes been in hospital a couple of times in the last six months with seizures. I spent a horriiible night in hospital with her while the doctors where trying to withdraw her on lithium, and when she was such a b#ich she brought my niece to tears.
My point again, nothing with make them do it if they don't want to, they have to want it for themselves. My best wishes are to you and your missus fly solo, wish I could be more help.

Play Hard ball .. Crying crocodile tears is just "meh" with a spark of intelligence! Kick him out, keep all his clothes, give him nothing! let him sweat it he will either die on the streets or quit drugs both are a win because if he cant quit drugs he will die anyway. Just make sure he knows he´s welcome when he´s clean but subject to staying clean tell him its for his own good he has to stop drugs 1 way or the other and starving in the cold when there´s a hot meal and a warm bed with their name on it if they can quit drugs is the best therapy for any drug addict. Parents that cave in are a push over he knows that you will be paying for his high if you keep caving in! Teens need their parents they cant survive on the streets unless they are tough if your teen is tough then you may as well just forget it he will just join a gang and probably come and kill you in your sleep then rob you .
It´s that simple

originally posted by: FlySolo

I've been struggling with a plan for when he decides to waltz back in.
1. Pay rent
2. Own food And cooking
Or give me the keys back. But these things seem trivial compared to the monkey on his back and I'm not sure what it will accomplish.

Those things that you consider trivial he probably does not. That's why he keeps coming back. Change your house keys, put a padlock on your fridge, impose a curfew and if he breaks it, he's SOL on both counts. Yes, M is a big monkey to have on his back, so give him another one......reality. See which one he wants more.

I don't have to tell you, but this is serious business. This is his life that is still getting started. Make a plan and stick with it. If that one doesn't work, find another one. The last thing you want to do is to keep trying the same thing over and over again. Keep switching it up. He may be an addict but he's not blind to what you're doing. In time, he'll see that you give a sh*t which is a lot more than he'll ever find on the streets.

Ask him what he's running from. What he's scared of. Tell him that he's not so much a drug addict than he is a young man with an addictive personality. That may or may not be true, but watch his reaction when you tell him that. If that clicks with him, use that angle to help get him back on track.

What you're trying to do isn't easy for either one of you. Tell him that too. After awhile when you start to feel overwhelmed, start cracking jokes with him. Get him to laugh. That helps more than people realize.

Think about it, if the kid didn't want some kind of stability or "center" in his life, he wouldn't keep coming back to you. He wants this, but that drug can be hard egg to crack.

Remember, some people don't put up walls to keep people out. They put up walls to see who cares enough to knock them down.