a reply to: sparky31
That's just horrible and if I saw that man at the beginning smack my mother I would find him and settle things to where......let me not finish that
I am not sure what the laws are there as compared to here in the US for adult care but I am learning the laws here in the US out of necessity.
Now before I get into that let me say I feel a bit of disgust towards her daughter. I am sure she has some say in where her mother wound up and it
seems like she just dumped her off without even investigating the home to get references and a great deal of other things a son/daughter should do
before finding a adult care facility.
Doing so is exhausting, frustrating, confusing, yada yada.
I am in the process of doing so for my mother and have been for some time. Every facility is after money first and are not forthcoming on Medicaid
Medicare acceptance some outright lie and I have reported a few that have.
Each facility I have been to that passed the first of my expectations to where I feel could be a possibility I will visit unannounced at least 5 times
at different periods of the day I will check to see if they have been reported and I will talk to other people who have put there loved ones there.
You have to investigate these places before moving you parents there. Afterwords placing your mother/father you must continue to check up on them and
do so at different times unannounced yet again. Your parents become the child to where you have to make sure they are being taken care of properly.
I have a cousin that has had her mother in a nursing home with Alzheimer's for some years now so I feel lucky she can tell me what to expect and what
to look out for.
I would never put my mother in a place such as the one in that video that is not a life that is a living hell for the woman's mother.
Honestly I just met yesterday again with the elder care attorney I retained for my mother when my father died last year and i became aware of the
onset of dementia, sundowners, and schitsophrenia with her to where it has recently gotten so bad that I had to move into the house because she nearly
burned it down trying to cook. When I am out for long periods I have to hire people to come and sit with her.
The advice I can give everyone is to start planning for placement long before there is a need get you powers of attorney in order, the wills, trusts,
talk to them while they are still capable of understanding and where they can relay what they wish to be done. Hell make sure they have a say as that
would eliminate a lot of angst for you even because it sucks having to make all the decisions not knowing if they would like the general direction
type of place etcetera.
I am lucky that I have done well enough to afford good care for her to make up the difference for just about any place and I ahave things to where I
could take the time to do all of this but is still stressfull as hell. I think I understand why my pops had such high blood pressure. I loved my pops
and my mom so i would never think of taking shortcuts now that she is sick but I really wish I had sat down with them years ago where we would have
had a discussion about such scenarios even as uncomftorble and awkward as it would have been. Trust me it would have been worth the discomfort.
At least my pops had talked to me a few times about his wishes on funeral or cremation and things such as that. With my mom she is past the point of
even having such a discussion because Alzheimer's is setting in.
Damn long rant there from me. Sorry about that folks as it is all on my mind right now me being out of town in the hospital from surgery this morning
for such things I have adult resources check on her periodically which causes its own problems especially with the sundowners.
Plan ahead for there good and yours and hope like hell Alzheimer's or dementia doesn't become an issue. BTW after they are diagnosed with either your
going to have a serious problem getting any power of attourny if you even can and it would cost you a fortune but it can be done very cheaply
beforehand. At the very least you can go to office max and get a cd with the forms for all the various powers of attorney living wills final wills and
get them notarized at the bank. At that point get either a safety deposit box/fire safe with lock or whatever your family is comfortable with. You
will never regret being prepared for circumstances that you hope will not happen.
edit on 1-5-2014 by Grimpachi because: (no reason given)