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Why Some People Refuse to Apologize Published on May 29, 2013 by Guy Winch, Ph.D. in The Squeaky Wheel
When our actions or inaction's cause someone actual harm, real emotional distress, or significant inconvenience, most of us would quickly offer a sincere apology, both because one is deserved and because it’s the best way to garner forgiveness and alleviate the guilt we feel.
But here too, non-apologists typically use excuses and denial to shirk their responsibility. Why? for the apologist to seek forgiveness and move forward comes a little easier. For non-apologists, saying ‘I’m sorry’ carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply as it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately attempt to avoid:
1. Admissions of wrong doing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc… Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.
2. Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can open the door to shame instead. While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes them feel bad about their ‘selves’ who they are—which makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.
I'm sorry if YOU were offended.
Most of us conceive of apologies as including three basic ingredients: (1) a statement of regret for what happened; (2) a clear ‘I'm sorry' statement; and (3) a request for forgiveness. These ingredients must be delivered with sincerity for an apology to be effective
Me, My and I regret nothing!!!
It's just English and sometimes the people I know like to think they own their country, friends, governments etc. But perhaps the truth here is that they all belong to these establishments and perhaps while they think their in control while they are simply the pawns?
Perhaps I'll leave it at grammar errors among quite a few people. Next time I'll make sure to correct people and say OUR government, or OUR money after all were all stuck on a rock flying through space anyway, we must be the largest joke in the universe with our arguments over grammar, oil, art, beer, guns, politics..... The list goes on.
Have a nice day in the meantime.