What Do YOU Mean, YOU Won't Apologize?!?!?! Simple: " I, Me, Mine!!!!

Maybe we can't change the world but we can change ourselves and that's a start!

As I ponder major changes that I would like to see take place in the world around me, I am reminded of one of my favorite Beatles Songs...Simply titled "I Me Mine"

Even my opening sentence is rife with " I, me mine ". Is this not the attitude of all of us? Especially when we believe some thing or person we value is being threatened or when we feel we have been wronged and treated unjustly? If you disagree with this statement, take a look at the words to the song. I think you may adjust your perception of self.


All through the day I me mine, I me mine, I me mine,
All through the night I me mine, I me mine, I me mine,
Now they're frightened of leaving it,
Everyone's weaving it,
Going on strong all the time,
All through the day I me mine.

I me me mine,
I me me mine,
I me me mine,
I me me mine.

All I can hear I me mine, I me mine, I me mine,
Even those tears I me mine, I me mine, I me mine,
No-one's frightened of playing it,
Everyone's saying it,
Flowing more freely than wine,
All through the day I me mine.

sing365.com

Is this not true of most individuals in any country in the world.. All day long you will here American's say: " No, not that way you are doing it wrong, do it MY way" or "They are not going to do this to ME. I like MY country, My leader, My food , MY clothes, MY friends, MY music, MY culture, MY church, MY religion, MY theory, MY God, better than yours. It has to be the best way because it is from MY line of thought".

Please do not think I am picking on American's. The I ME MINE mantra goes for almost every country in the news as of late. Look at Russia, Crimea, France, Germany, Great Britain, Japan, China, Malaysia, Turkey, Pakistan, India, Australia, Iraq, Iran, Israel, Palestine....etc. The list goes on and on because we are all perfectly flawed humans.

I wonder how many people could change their world by uttering these words: "I am sorry, please forgive ME" Seems easy doesn't it? Yet, for so many it seems the most difficult task if not down right impossible.

Why? To answer this mystery I found a very helpful article which lays out a very logical explanation for our behavior.

Why Some People Refuse to Apologize Published on May 29, 2013 by Guy Winch, Ph.D. in The Squeaky Wheel

When our actions or inaction's cause someone actual harm, real emotional distress, or significant inconvenience, most of us would quickly offer a sincere apology, both because one is deserved and because it’s the best way to garner forgiveness and alleviate the guilt we feel.

But here too, non-apologists typically use excuses and denial to shirk their responsibility. Why? for the apologist to seek forgiveness and move forward comes a little easier. For non-apologists, saying ‘I’m sorry’ carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply as it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately attempt to avoid:

1. Admissions of wrong doing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc… Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.

2. Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can open the door to shame instead. While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes them feel bad about their ‘selves’ who they are—which makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.

The article goes on to list 3 additional reasons people do not apologize...
psychology today

I for one am always the first to apologize perhaps a little too quickly. Honestly, while I do seek forgiveness it is the relief of guilt that often drives me to apologizing. I think I have some work to do.....

Time and time again on ATS we have seen the passion that one feels about a certain idea, spin out of control and result in personal attacks and who knows, probably some loss of friendships. Behaving like this really diminishes the credibility and class of what the ATS community is all about...Don't you think so?

I challenge all of us to apologize here on ATS the next time someone really offends us! Even if you feel like you have done nothing wrong. Chances are the two of you have had some type of miscommunication. Maybe by changing just a small fraction of the way we ourselves deal with conflict, we will begin to see the bigger picture of conflict resolution on the world stage. Something I believe, would be a welcomed change for all of us.

Your thoughts?

Thanks for your time!
Pax

Hence the rise of the political apology:

I'm sorry if YOU were offended.

It's the quintessential non-apology. Pay attention and you will see that everyone who ever apologizes publically does so in this way. They didn't do anything wrong, it's always YOUR fault for being offended.

Another way to look at it is the Golden Rule. We are always very good at knowing how we'd like to be treated, but we're not nearly as good at thinking of how the other might like to be treated.

reply to



Do not deny human nature ....Be mindful of your feelings, they do you credit,... but they could be used to serve the Empire

Me, My and I regret nothing!!!

It's just English and sometimes the people I know like to think they own their country, friends, governments etc. But perhaps the truth here is that they all belong to these establishments and perhaps while they think their in control while they are simply the pawns?

Perhaps I'll leave it at grammar errors among quite a few people. Next time I'll make sure to correct people and say OUR government, or OUR money after all were all stuck on a rock flying through space anyway, we must be the largest joke in the universe with our arguments over grammar, oil, art, beer, guns, politics..... The list goes on.

Have a nice day in the meantime.

reply to post by ketsuko

I'm sorry if YOU were offended.

Exactly! One of the points I was thinking about specifically. Except I would place the emphasis on "IF"!! The author continues with his next explanation of an authentic apology, stating the apology should contain 3 things....

Most of us conceive of apologies as including three basic ingredients: (1) a statement of regret for what happened; (2) a clear ‘I'm sorry' statement; and (3) a request for forgiveness. These ingredients must be delivered with sincerity for an apology to be effective

He goes on to detail the way an apology would differ based on whom you were apologizing to.

Thanks for the replies,
Pax

psychology today

I say we ban personal pronouns! - problem solved.
Right now I'm struggling with demands being put on my time and I don't like the emotional fallout from it. My mother has been hospitalized for the better part of a month and I hate hanging around hospitals, always have. I had bad stomach cramps yesterday so I didn't go. So guess who is having a terrible day because I couldn't make it? I have my own struggles and this is stretching me to my limits. How do say I love you Mom but I can't be here for you everyday?

When she finished rehab she'll be moving back in with us and I don't want a bunch of emotional baggage to deal with when she comes home. It's easy to think of what you will say to a person but it gets hard when you're face to face. For both our mental health sake I think I better speak up.

reply to post by Asktheanimals


I am talking about the song, I ME MINE which you very well know.....LOL

Oh Animal, I am so sorry and sad to here this. You situation is different and certainly not what I was referring to. First, you have to look after your own health. Deep down she understands and probably just frightened and missing you. Do not heap false guilt on your self on top of everything else you are dealing with. Guilt as you well know is a wasted and useless emotion, it drains of our energy to say the least.

You know how to reach me if I can be of any assist. I am praying hard for her, you and the family...

Talk to ya soon,
Pax

PS Its a shame you are not here anymore, I think you need a beer my friend...

You do realize "I ME, MINE" is a Beatles song I am talking about. Contact Sir Paul if you have a problem with his grammar...
Pax

blueyezblkdragon
Me, My and I regret nothing!!!

It's just English and sometimes the people I know like to think they own their country, friends, governments etc. But perhaps the truth here is that they all belong to these establishments and perhaps while they think their in control while they are simply the pawns?

Perhaps I'll leave it at grammar errors among quite a few people. Next time I'll make sure to correct people and say OUR government, or OUR money after all were all stuck on a rock flying through space anyway, we must be the largest joke in the universe with our arguments over grammar, oil, art, beer, guns, politics..... The list goes on.

Have a nice day in the meantime.