Smoking is my Suicide.

A short thread.

I have posted many threads on the topic of smoking.

Many members have posted many threads on the topic of smoking.

I am sick and tired of smoking.

So I'm going to post a few shameful facts about myself so that I can back up my claim on smoking.

I am an addict. Both past and present.

There is not a drug/substance that I haven't delved into for the sake of pleasure, escape, recrimination, destruction that anyone on these boards can challenge. Done it all.

In my teens,,,coke, MDA, '___', T&R, Heroin, speed, pills: ups and downs...Name it. In fact there is one member on this board that can attest to it and in fact saved me from it.

These days...Legally is Codeine. Strange huh? In Canada walk into a drug store and ask for T-1's and I buy 100 for 10 dollars. Been on that for 25 years because of a doctor. Sports medicine doctor to boot.

But I digress.

Been trying each and every single day to get off of 2 things...Codeine...and cigarettes. Almost there with the pills and almost there with the cigs with the help of vaping.

The pills, I have to do alone with no help and I am winning. Painful to a point I can't and won't describe. The cigs? Much more difficult than heroin absolutely.

When I was young, anything that could go in my mouth, nose or arm was fair game. Why? Just had to experience. And then I gave it up because I saw a one way ticket to either a back alley or a prison cell.

And then I have cigarettes...legal and readily available for anyone. Tried for so many years but still trying.

The MOST DIFFICULT DRUG I HAVE EVER TRIED TO QUIT!.

And yet it's legal and distributed by the Govt. because of??? What am I saying?

I can and have quit everything that the Govt. tells us is destructive to our selves and society but the most difficult to quit? Govt. legalized and supported drugs like cigs and alcohol.

This is NOT a rant but rather a purging. And I end it with a self reflection that has plagued me for many years. If I Don't quit the street drugs (which I have), I am committing slow suicide. And If I can't quit what the Govt. legally allows me to purchase, I am committing slow suicide. I don't want to die either way but the cigs are what will get me.

BTW...I am almost 90% finished cigs because of vaping but now the Govt. wants to make that illegal. Actually it's through the lobbying of big tobacco. Either it is made illegal or they buy up the ecig companies and shut it down.

We die either way right? Cancer is profit.

That's all..

Peace

Inspired by: www.abovetopsecret.com...

Yes, yes, and yes! Of all the things I've done in my life, cigarettes is the one thing I can't put down.

tinker9917
Yes, yes, and yes! Of all the things I've done in my life, cigarettes is the one thing I can't put down.

As I sit here at 12:30 am. and after writing this thread, I wish I had a rock, I wish I had a needle and I wish I didn't reach for this cigarette.

I have no problem beating the first 2. Easy actually.

The cig? I will put off for 15 minutes. 15 MINUTES!

Any other drug was ok for hours or even days because of binges, Cigs? 15 minutes at a time. Good that it's so readily available...right?

Peace

reply to post by jude11


Oh will you knock off the drama!!!!

Cigarettes harder to quit than heroin???? who are you kidding??? Heroin withdrawal is life threatening!!

As for cigarettes - prior to the invention of so-called cessation aids, over 50 million north americans quit cold turkey - just like that!

Get over yourself!

Tired of Control Freaks

- driving, after eating - with coffee (which, is probably around 6-8 cups a day =/ ) Smoking to me - Fact : I know im killing myself slowly, if not sooner then i think because of it... And Mentally, I know or am aware.. The thing of it, its a mean for escape for me - a pleasure, a time to me.. Even after - I practice deeply with inner and mediation on my personal time.. which in the last 3 years i have learned a great amount of myself, and more getting over the fear of it all - anxiety, social.

The root of it, it to me, brings that moment - out of this all crowded space around - and the weight- you just want a zone for the moment too yourself, and too me - Until then, ill continue until either my mental mind says no, or worse - physically degrade or death, but acceptance more or.

I know or have known older generations which lived well into there 80-90s or are still alive and have smoked 20-30 years of there life.

reply to post by TiredofControlFreaks


Cigarettes are Very hard to quit, probably harder than heroin. As far as writing a post about your current and former addictions, if doing it helps you to quit smoking, so much the better. Try the patch, stop smoking indoors, make it a "rule" that you only smoke outside, it will help your lungs and make the transition easier. The patch does help, wear it and reach for a lollipop or cinnamon stick or candy or something. Even cutting back helps.

AreUKiddingMe
reply to post by TiredofControlFreaks

 

Cigarettes are Very hard to quit, probably harder than heroin. As far as writing a post about your current and former addictions, if doing it helps you to quit smoking, so much the better. Try the patch, stop smoking indoors, make it a "rule" that you only smoke outside, it will help your lungs and make the transition easier. The patch does help, wear it and reach for a lollipop or cinnamon stick or candy or something. Even cutting back helps.

Thanx for that.

But the patch never worked.

The vapor is working. Not the ecig at the grocery store for 5-10 dollars but rather the actual vaporizer for about 50 - 100 dollars.

It is working and as far as I can tell from experience, the grocery store items are exactly what is claimed...gateways for teens into smoking. They DON'T WORK.

Peace

reply to post by TiredofControlFreaks


Who are you kidding? I have a feeling you've experienced neither. Someone kicking dope isn't going to kick cigs at the same time...

I agree with the OP, cigs are hard to quit, hardest drug there is to quit. And, although I haven't experienced heroin withdrawal, I still believe quitting cigarettes is harder. I have done it, and it sucks.

TiredofControlFreaks
reply to post by jude11

 

Oh will you knock off the drama!!!!

Cigarettes harder to quit than heroin???? who are you kidding??? Heroin withdrawal is life threatening!!

As for cigarettes - prior to the invention of so-called cessation aids, over 50 million north americans quit cold turkey - just like that!

Get over yourself!

Tired of Control Freaks

You clearly have no experience on the subject so excuse me while I ignore your BS input and go on to more experienced input.

Jude11

How many times have we all laid in bed (every single night for me) and said that in the morning... we were going to quit? The cigarette we smoked before we laid our heads down was OFFICIALLY the last cigarette (or your drug of choice) we were ever going to smoke.

It's damn hard. Anybody who has not experienced it has absolutely NO CLUE what it's like to be addicted to something that bad. We know we are killing ourselves. We feel what it is doing to our bodies and while we may actually enjoy doing it, we know we need to quit because of what it is doing. So we do. We quit every single night. When the sun breaks on a new day we light up again and promise ourselves that tomorrow will yet again be different. We have time. Today is not a good day. I will quit in time.

It's a nightmare. Truly. It doesn't break up families or cause behavioral changes when we do it, but that doesn't make it any less of an addiction than anything else.

I have been quit for almost 10 months. I use the vaporizers yet I still get that urge to just smoke one. So far I have held off on that because I KNOW that if I take one hit... my 10 months will go down the toilet and I will be smoking again. I still have to tell myself at least once a day... DON'T DO IT. Even after those many months, the urge still rears it's ugly head.

I have an addictive personality (it sounds like you do as well). I gave up drinking in my very early 20's because I knew I was going to go down the path that so many of my family had. I have been on the pain pills like you for back issues and just quit going to the doctor for the meds, because I did find myself enjoying them too much. (Judge if you like. Just being honest here). I would NEVER visit Vegas because I know I would be one of "those" people that lose their house because they can't stop. I have never tried anything harder than what is legalized in some states now, because I KNEW (even as a teen) that I had a hard time with things like that, and I didn't really want to chance it.

I share this with you openly here to hopefully show you that you are not alone. Even though you don't know me and we probably live many states away in whole different worlds... there is someone out there that struggles like you. It is a real struggle that you are dealing with and I hope you can find the strength to continue on like you are until your goal has been met. Don't let anyone make you feel like it isn't difficult, or you are less than because you do these things. Keep your chin up and your eyes towards the finish line. You can do it and you are not alone.

reply to post by jude11


I started a thread earlier about quitting my smoking habit.

I'm on day 4 and for a couple of reason today has been a real struggle. I know part of it is because my husband hasn't quit entirely yet...he has cut back but is still smoking. Also, today my brother was here (also a smoker) so, between the two of them going outside multiple times and then coming in with the smell...it about drove me insane.

It's a terrible thing to try and quit. I can't compare it to heroin as I've never done it but, I have heard that comparison in the past.

TiredofControlFreaks
reply to post by jude11

 

Oh will you knock off the drama!!!!

Cigarettes harder to quit than heroin???? who are you kidding??? Heroin withdrawal is life threatening!!

As for cigarettes - prior to the invention of so-called cessation aids, over 50 million north americans quit cold turkey - just like that!

Get over yourself!

Tired of Control Freaks

How about you knocking off the arseholeness of your post? You could have ignored this thread entirely. Instead you chose to trounce on a fellow member here that was being honest about what he is going through in the BTS section of the forum.

There are a lot of folks that quit drinking and doing drugs cold turkey as well. Not everybody can do that. The struggle is different for everyone. There is no reason to make someone feel inadequate simply because they are going through a rough time in their life. Hitting someone when they are down.... it's just dirty.

Hey,Jude! ( Sorry; just had to.)

Smoked for several lifetimes, and my body CRAVED nicotine. When at work, cigarettes were always the foremost thought on my mind; second was how many minutes til break.
I was trying to quit again when I met my non-smoking husband.My boss had handed me a newspaper clipping on a 'stop smoking' session put on by our local hospital, and my husband offered to go with me for support.
After every meeting, he'd take me to Taco Bell for tacos, and suggested I try using hot sauce. I'd never been able to stand anything hotter than catsup -not even table pepper - but I REALLY liked this guy and wanted to impress him.
I discovered after a dose of hot sauce, the last thing I wanted was a cigarette! Some things can just ruin the taste of a good smoke, you know? And the endorphins it kicked in were pretty awesome, too!
I started going for the hot sauce whenever the cravings got too bad, but it took over 10 years before I quit thinking of smoking every day. I still smoke in my dreams, tho.

Science has proven that cigarette smoking is much more addictive than coc aine or heroin. There comes a point in every smokers life when it goes beyond a crutch, and becomes a physical addiction like no other.

I wish you the best of luck.
Ms.Nugget

Your vaping...just quit already for christs sakes!

Its going to take some willpower, get past the first few days and you will be fine...but yeah, just commit already.
I smoked for 26 years, enough was enough. did chantex for a couple weeks and then quit while picking up the ecig. that worked for me...of course when I did quit, I didn't actually want to..the chantex took the edge off overall, but at the end of the day, it is going to take the same stubborn attitude that keeps you smoking..just reverse it and hell, get all snooty and one of those super annoying judgemental ex smokers if it helps (not forever..just until you convince your mind you really don't like ciggies). But yeah...

So quit. This thread itself is you justifying why you aren't quitting...reread it..your talking about how its way more addicting than heroin, etc..your literally making it harder on your mind.

Instead, convince yourself its easy as quitting pancakes...sure, pancakes are nice, but meh, not worth dying over...so just drop it...your mind will eventually go where you reinforce it to go..so stop reinforcing how tortured your going to be when you finally quit.

Now, just do it or shut up already...if a single person on earth can quit smoking, then anyone can, and your simply making excuses and delaying a easy process..you gotta ask yourself why, then just get over it and quit...big deal, it may not be the easiest thing you have done in the world..but then again, starting smoking wasn't easy either..yet you managed through that..no more excuses...set a date, stick with it, and eff the part of the brain trying to make it harder than it need be.

reply to post by jude11


All I have to say about that is that every single heroin junky I know that is still alive and managed to kick their habit is a smoker. That persons opinion amounts to squat, as a bit of cursory research would have prevented their ignorance in the first place. All drugs can take terrible tolls on people (Heroin especially), but not many have the same addictive qualities that cigarettes do. That is to say, you never see the negative aspects of nicotine addiction until you are personally dealing with a heavy smoker during withdrawl. It's not a pretty sight, and it's an easy addiction to both enable and maintain since it's legal and people don't act out while they're smoking cigs.

Studies have proven heroin is easier to kick than smoking. If that poster is still shooting up or knows someone who is, maybe they should take that into consideration and visit their nearest methadone clinic. There isn't such an alternative for nicotine.

Your story reminds me of lyrics from the song Sick Little Suicide by The Matches:

Mark said he could hold his own head up
and share his mind
with the peeling paint on the bedroom wall.
One step ahead of the pack - of Marlboros.
Still, I don't believe he would take that fall.
Those things will put you back
some paychecks,
set you back about a year or two.
There's a sick little suicide in all that we do,
all that we do.
And the ground downtown is a countdown,
no air anywhere in the area.
Suck back these take-home packs of euthanasia.
Youth in America...

Vaping was the key to my success. Almost 2 years without a cigarette now. It's weird how something once so good and enjoyable is now totally disgusting. It's important to have good vape equipment though. There's a lot of junk for sale and gross eliquid that can be a turn off. I started with a clean cigarette a company that sold crappy little batteries and expensive cartomizer tips probably similar to blu ecigs, don't waste your money on that bs. The batteries are small and don't last long, you'll be dying for a real cig when you encounter those pos. instead buy a good mod, some clearomizers or tanks, and some good ejuice. These have come so far in the past couple years and are only getting better. For mods I recommend the tesla vv/vw that's variable voltage variable wattage bout 70 bucks on eBay comes with 2 batteries and a charger. It will last all day even with heavy use. Comes with a couple ce4 clearomizers that are decent but if you wanna up the stakes get a nautilus tank with variable airflow, pretty easy to refill and you can buy extra coils for them. Then start buying some dank ejuice; flavors are getting insane check out ahlusion.com the guy is a genius, he can make any flavor you could possible think of! Now your vaping in style no more disgusting cigarettes. The adjustment may be rough for the first couple days to get use to the vapor instead of the smoke but trust me it's WORTH it.

As far as opiates being easier to kick than nicotine... apples and oranges.

A long term opiate user (heroin and pain pills are the same thing... all process into morphine in one's body) actually changes their dna, according to recent studies, and quitting cold turkey after long term use can kill them and at best, make them pray that they will die, actually.

There is no comparison.

The longer one uses opiates, the harder it is to quit. The most successful attempts for long term users are years long weaning off with methadone or an equivalent substance. Most who manage to get through a cold-turkey withdrawal, 97-99%, are unsuccessful in the long term.

However, the availability of nicotine and it's different sort of addictive qualities make it tough to quit in other, subtler ways than the utter, never ending nightmare of opiates.

But either one is tough as anything and people without experience regarding it are never going to understand, thankfully.

There is so much conflicting and bad information out there about substances and addictions... but just saying "buck up and just quit" isn't helpful for long term use, at least.

When one's mind and body is in a constant state of discomfort and they know a chemical will make it all better, rationality and determination goes out the window.

Good luck with quitting... replacement with less illegal/dangerous substances seems the best course... i.e. vaping and methadone. Opiates don't harm the body like smoking does... but injecting/smoking unknown doses, along with the black market impurities, make them very deadly.

reply to post by jude11


I have managed to quit so many times, and so many equal times had to restart it as well. Its an odd drug. I can quit it, but never really give up. It grows up into a small tobaco leaf green sub-character inside me, and I can hear with a subtle voice it whispering: "you'd feel so much better with a cigar or cigarette - all your troubles wont matter anymore - you feel so much better - you are so much sharper and stronger with it ... " all the sublime messages ever seen and heard are screaming to have a dose of good old green nicotine ... 3 months, 26 days and ticking - and I mean, TICK-ing

I'm with you OP. I can't seem to put them down either. My father died of lung cancer 30 years
after he quit smoking. Not long before he died I saw something on the news about a study that found
most of the people dying from cigarette smoking were not smokers or people picking up second hand
smoke. Most of the people dying are ex-smokers. The morning of my father's funeral my brother
and I made a pact not to quit smoking so it wouldn't kill us, lol! My mother is 76 and has been smoking
since she was 14. Now she smokes a medwakh with dhoka tobacco . Just a couple of drags and she's got
plenty of nicotine in her system through the day so she doesn't have to keep smoking.
I need to have surgery and my surgeon told me last fall I need to quit before he'll do it. So far I haven't
been successful for more than a few days.
Apparently smokers have a DNA marker of sorts, perhaps making us more prone to nicotine addiction.

One thing I've tried that does help is Eldon Taylor's subliminal CD's. He's got one for smoking.
It works, I just get annoyed with it because parts of it sound like the theme to a 1970's cop show. But you
can get it with just nature sounds instead of music. You gotta keep listening to it every day, several times a
day for it to work. Headphones are best if you have the patience for it.

One other thing I wanted to say in regard to something another poster said. Heroin withdrawal won't kill
you. There are two drugs who's withdrawal can kill you....alcohol and benodiazapenes. Heroin withdrawal
may suck but it won't put you six feet under.