posted on Mar, 31 2014 @ 04:42 AM
I understand how you feel, i have been in the same situation twice. The first time i chose to support, the second time i chose to get out, because of
my previous experiences.
To put it bluntly, you will love him if he is in your life, or if he isn't. It is not necessary to sacrifice yourself for love. He clearly has
issues and hopefully in time he will face them deal with them and move on. For you to stay with him and attempt to control his drinking, is nothing
but enablement. You are enabling him by accepting him cutting back on his consumption. The only way to deal with a drink problem is to stop drinking
totally. Once the issues have been dealt with a crutch isn't needed, those who have not developed an addiction can learn to drink socially. Those
who have an addiction have to stop and never touch the stuff again.
Get out now, perhaps that will be his tipping point and he will realise by loosing you he has to deal with this properly. Perhaps he won't. That
isn't your choice, its not within your control, its not up to you, about you or even anything to do with you. It is his problem that he needs to
face accept and deal with.
If you stay you will become co dependant, (if you aren't already) his issues will become yours, you will loose yourself in them. There is no happy
outcome to look forward too.
spend five years with him and he will destroy you.
an excellent book to read is co dependant no more. It is very useful and full of wise advice for those who get caught up with addicts.
If you are unhappy with his drinking and he hasn't stopped you are allowing him to disrespect you and your needs. By allowing disrespect, what are
you teaching him? That you don't deserve to be respected, that your personal boundaries are unimportant, that you do not value yourself.
I wish from the bottom of my heart, that mind melting was possible, as i would love to show you how personal destruction creeps up on you so slowly
you don't notice, a dysfunctional lifestyle becomes normalised and you don't even see it.
Right now a close and dear friend of mine is drinking to excess and has been for fifteen years. she has lost the house she owned, 4 of her 5 children
have moved out, that includes a 12 year old!!!!!!!!! she is in an abusive relationship because she believes no one else would accept her drinking.
If she wasn't an alcoholic, she could have her pick of men. Her 18 year old son wants to move away to university but refuses to leave his 14 year
old brother alone with the issues.
although i am not in a sexual/partner relationship with my friend, the situation has become so destructive that i have been forced to tell her i am
stepping back from our friendship until she gets her issues under control. Every time i go on holiday abroad, she flips, (the two probably are not
connected) last time, i had been away three days and she took an overdose.
I feel dreadful that i haven't been able to help her, but i want a positive successful life and while i am part of her alcoholic drama and
dysfunction, there is not space in my head, or time in my life to get on with my own plans.
I could write pages and pages about all i have experienced and the consequences of it, but i don't want to bore you.
been there done that and bought the tee shirt. I will never again have a "practicing" addict in my life. its an over my dead body type of
please save yourself, perhaps relationship counselling may be a good place to start?