A confession of gratitude to "Her".

tadaman
I will just own this one. ALONE.

So ... you are going to lie ... again.
And you are going to tell yourself that it's for her own good.

When my husband comes home from work I'm going to give him a huge hug and a warm canoodle.
I'm so glad I'm married to him .... and not you. I'm lucky. Thanks for the reminder.

reply to post by FlyersFan


You are not my type. And yes, love your husband. He may be of the few who can bear condescending tones of judgement from on high...

In any event, you only came here to spread negativity. Now that you have insulted me sufficiently, will you just fade into your throne, or do you also need the last word?

Bitter.

You guys are very bitter. Its like that experiment with the bananas on a ladder surrounded by monkeys who would get soaked for anyone trying to get the bananas. They would all gang up on anyone going up the ladder. Slowly they were all replaced one by one until there was no one left who even knew why they beat up the guy who went near the ladder.

I cheated. Yeah. What the hell gives you the right to judge me. I am not married to you, nor would I ever.

Yet I suppose you all consider yourselves opened minded. Not judgemental. Not critical of others whom you disagree with on a PERSONAL level. Its all just matter of fact...no emotion there.

Right.

You are all practically screeching like kids with tourette’s syndrome having a temper tantrum.

You do realize how nasty you are being right? Over something you DIDNT HAVE TO READ and comment on?

Right?

tadaman
reply to post by DeadSeraph

 

Text
To the OP:

Make it right. Don't worry about what you have to lose right now, because you have far more to lose later by being dishonest.

Well, I have been cheated on before. A couple times. I also lived through a VERY bitter divorce as a child.

I always would prefer the person broke up with me and just not tell me about another taking my place. I wish my parents would have just left each other, but without succombing to their passions which led them to hurt each other. It was terrible.

Had they and every person who cheated on me, had a little consideration for others, Most would not have been so hurt.

I know what I have. I dont think many are understanding that I am not unhappy at home. I never wanted to replace my wife. I never wanted to hurt her. This woman is not worth it. My wife deserves for me to just deal with it.

I will simply man up and take this one. I will live with the guilt of it, the pain of it, and the consequences of it. I will just own this one. ALONE.

I cant ask her for help with this. My honesty will have to take a back seat to consideration for her.

edit on 3 21 2014 by tadaman because: (no reason given)

So how can you not offer the same to your wife? If you know what it feels like and you know you would have prefered a certain outcome, why would you not do the same for your wife if you truly love her?

I know you are feeling attacked right now, but I'm sure you should have seen it coming. It is a public forum and many people look down on infidelity (and rightfully so). I get that you were just trying to express yourself and deal with your emotions, but you should be prepared to deal with the consequences of doing so here.

Another poster was right: The truth has a way of making itself known in situations like these. I don't know how it works or why, but it almost always comes out into the light of day, and you are almost always worse off for trying to keep it hidden. I noticed you mentioned that if your wife cheated on you, you would forgive her. That statement is predicated on the idea that she would even tell you. Would you be ok with her keeping it a secret and stringing you along? Whatever you do, you owe your wife better.

tadaman
What the hell gives you the right to judge me.

YOU.

You came on here with your self absorbed contradicting post.
A post dripping in attitude and excuses ... instead of contrition.
This is a discussion forum. So you invited comment.
I'm sure you figured it would all be comments to ease your conscience.
Can't do that.
If you don't want to hear comments ... then don't post on a public discussion forum.

Now go ahead and run along and lie to your wife again ....
I'm sure it won't be the last time.

ETA .. I find it comical that you are all self righteous attitude and pissed off at us ...
but you are the one who is an adulterer.

reply to post by DeadSeraph


I agree with almost all of that,

I fail to see how not telling her is paramount to the whole outcome being the worst possible scenario for everyone.

Truth does come out. Maybe she will find out, or I will tell her if she ever cheats on me and feels too guilty to cope. Maybe it will help her feel more comfortable around me if she ever cheated. Maybe she will find out and I will never know.

Maybe it will be enough for her to be able to hate me and walk away better. I would also let her hate me if it would help her somehow. I would walk away if she wanted me to, or it would be better for her...

Even if it killed me to do so. I would let her be the bigger person even if she was wrong.

Why, well that is what I am trying to tell you guys.

Love really is more than all this CRAP.

People dont stay married 80 years just by tossing morality and judgements around saying "DUH". You end up seeing some isht if you stick around. When you are ok with it, you start to truly love the one you are with.

Some people who adore eachother in life, walk away from death beds because they cant deal with it. Selfish.

Some people spend their entire lives resenting the person they live with but never left because they were cowards, and prefered to ruin that persons life out of sub-conscience spite.

What ever.

I know how to love. I am saying I love my wife. I love her to be there if she has cancer and withers away. I am there for her if she needs help kicking a heroin addiction. I am there to help her cope with the loss of a child, I am there to help her deal with HIV, I am there to deal with her depressions, anxieties, AND INFIDELITIES.

That my friends is love. The UGLY. And dont say that your love would conquer all because I have seen REAL SWEETHEARTS collapse and leave their "other half" alone to face some "TOO HARD" stuff.

And there is nothing wrong with that either. The point is you dont know as much about you as you think. These things are discovered under fire. Not when everything is all peachy and you are spooning on the couch.

Its when you have no money and the kid ate the last yogurt and you look at eachother, That look you give each other in the morning realizing the day could turn out to be hell, both looking like ass and smelling like dragons breath. That smile of faith in each other, that offering of strength, inspiration, and love.

Everyone can cuddle. Not everyone can love. You learn that under fire.

.....

*and they ask their grandparents what their secret is to a lasting marriage, while at the thanksgiving table with their future ex........

reply to post by FlyersFan


thanks.

I will take it under consideration.

tadaman
reply to post by schuyler

 

well that was unecesarily bitter.

It really is a mystery how you could get "bitter" out of my statement, "eat me!" There's really no need to further state what your "point" is. We got it. And I think it is obvious that several here are rather tired of your self-serving statements. If you want to tell your story free of judgment, go see a shrink.

reply to post by tadaman


You've been married for over 8 years, at 30 years old, and have strayed, how much longer until those tendencies come back?
I'm sorry to say, but a lifetime of being married is much, much longer than those 8 years.

I'd hope that for your family's sake, you'd seek a way to keep from temptation.

After 3 pages of posts, I have yet to see any real reflection of repentance, humility, and a heart that seeks forgiveness.
You seem to be more distraught over your recent 'interest' being removed from your life.
Ultimately, your justifications will only further hinder your efforts, to truly 'heal.'

From one man to another, try to stay strong, in all manners of the word.
I mean no offense to your heart, efforts, and personal motivation for relinquishing it all here, to us ATS'ers.
It's just that sometimes, being a man means to own up to, and accept, the bed you've made.

tadaman
I would also let her hate me if it would help her somehow.




Delusions of grandeur ... I would let her hate me! ... sorry to inform you

if she hates you, you will have no say in the matter you do not control

the feelings of another .... your arrogance is breath taking.



"QUOTE" from your post
Love really is more than all this CRAP.
I know how to love. I am saying I love my wife. I love her to be there if she has cancer and withers away. I am there for her if she needs help kicking a heroin addiction. I am there to help her cope with the loss of a child, I am there to help her deal with HIV, I am there to deal with her depressions, anxieties, AND INFIDELITIES




BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT ENOUGH TO RESIST TEMPTATION!!!

despite you protestations other wise

I'll reserve my sympathies for your wife and child......

edit on 21-3-2014 by eletheia because: (no reason given)

reply to post by bojimbo

After 3 pages of posts, I have yet to see any real reflection of repentance, humility, and a heart that seeks forgiven

and its not going to happen. I dont see how that is to be expected. I dont repent. I dont. I am not sorry.

I am not ashamed of what I did.

And yes, it is more than 8 years. You are right. I look forward to it all. As far as not falling to temptations again. I do it every day. I have done it. I will do it. This was my moment of weakness. I will not deny it, it happened. I will also not apologise for it.

Never.

reply to post by schuyler

several here are rather tired of your self-serving statements

You cant get enough. Thanks. I am humbled by your flattery. All of it from everyone. If I was an attention whore, I would be up to my neck in KY and be giggling. If I am not...I may have just gotten a good laugh at all this holier than thou nonsense.

Thanks either way for the smile.

Char-Lee
reply to post by tadaman

 

Try understanding human nature more so as to understand one more person.

Sadly I think you still do not understand human nature. For instance, you THINK you could now forgive if your wife had "fallen in love" AND had sex with another man while you are parted...I don't believe this to be true.

The falling in love with another is a betrayal far beyond sex. It would not happen unless pursued, when feelings are sparked faithful mature spouses remove themselves from temptation and danger by NOt going out for a drink.

Thank you. This is what I was trying to express. Well stated and very true.

reply to post by tadaman


Im sick of listening to bleeding hearts who confess to you cheating on their wifes. You took a marriage vow for better or worse. If you cant live with it get divorced so we don't have to listen to the bleeding heart drivel.

All your looking for here is a forum to have your conscience vaccumed cleaned by the kind words of members, saying what you did was ok. Then once you have that youll be reset and back to your lieing ways.

Is no different to the nature of a domestic cat allowed to roam a reserve, you will take whatever opportunity that's available to hunt the natural wild life. Instinct.

reply to post by Bachrk


yet life isnt so cut and dry,

What would you do if all your coworkers go out for a drink on a holiday? Not go just because this random person who is still not anything to you yet is there? Really you would remove yourself from all social interactions with a whole group of people out of a fear of betrayal?

No.

There is allot I have not mentioned and will not. I will leave those assumptions up to the reader. I said my peace already.

Life happens.

As far as pursuing it, or somehow "sneaking" around into it. That is retarded. This woman was my friend first. I have had, do have, and will always have, MANY female friends. I grew up with older sisters in a mostly female household of several generations of women in my family.

I get along better in some cases with women for certain things. My wife knows many women who I have a loose friendship with. They are attractive enough where I could pursue a romantic relationship with them. Then again they wouldnt be my friends if I was really trying to date them or just get in their pants. I also wouldnt be a really good friend now would I?

This has always been the case. I have never cheated. Even before my wife. I never cheated. For some reason everything I was failed in this situation. I did entertain the thought, and obviously, followed through. For me, it was revealing. Nothing is beyond anything. We really never know. I promise you. We dont. You´ll see if you havent yet. Sometimes, you change. Its not necessarily a bad thing.

We only grow when we change. You only really gain anything when you risk something.

And I dont feel bad. I know this woman is fine. She is probably going to be a person with whom I will share a pleasant memory of companionship and warmth. We will not be friends or anything out of respect for others, but It was a pleasant goodbye.

No one was slighted. We were hurt though. We will both be fine.

AND. My wife and I adore each other. Something must be working because we are not only never going to quit each other, but we would fight for each other as long as the other loves. There is strong, and then there is the next after that. I dont want to tell her but I dont think it would be the end of the world if she found out. In the end, this family stays strong. I could for her, and she could for me.

There is always more to everything.

reply to post by AthlonSavage


Ah,

Well thank you random person. Your opinion has been registered in the national dam´s given raffle. You are now eligible for a brand new damn to be given out before may 3rd 2015.

Thank you for your time and service.

and good luck!

tadaman

I grew up with older sisters in a mostly female household of several generations of women in my family.



AND. My wife and I adore each other. Something must be working because we are not only never going to quit each other, but we would fight for each other as long as the other loves. There is strong, and then there is the next after that. I dont want to tell her but I dont think it would be the end of the world if she found out. In the end, this family stays strong. I could for her, and she could for me.

"As long as the 'other' loves"


Is this with the knowledge of how easily YOU devalued your mutual love??

OR in the absence of that knowledge??. . . in other words deceptively on your part?


I wonder how your "household of several generations of women" feel about your blasé

attitude towards infidelity?? .... www.abovetopsecret.com...

BOTTOM LINE -

tadaman
I am not ashamed of what I did ...
.... I will also not apologise for it.

Neanderthal behavior.
"Oh look at me ... I'm an adulterer and a liar. I'm not sorry and I'm going to keep on lying."
Seriously sucky dude.

reply to post by eletheia


You just cant get enough.

I dont know what to say. Thank you. I am flattered. You are carrying a conversation with yourself. Really. No one is responding to you, and you keep commenting. Its something else....

Thanks for your concern. It really means something.

reply to post by FlyersFan


Again.

Thank you for your opinion. Since its coming from you, I will take it under consideration. You deserve that much.

Regardless of my opinions of the situation, I wanted to thank you tadaman for sharing an unreserved look into an experience that has happened so many times throughout our history. It was written in a way that pulled me in, and the story itself is rather interesting.

I cant say I would do the same, but neither am I chomping at the bit to judge you. I, however, DID appreciate the no-holds-barred look into someone elses perspective. That sort of thing is becoming less and less popular, for obvious reasons.