By this time in life the baggage one carries around is hugely cumbersome. I wouldn't know where to begin trying to explain MY baggage, let alone
deal with someone else's. It takes YEARS for me just to get to know someone.
I think... it is always so sweet, when you find someone who doesn't mind holding your luggage while you fix your hair, or something like that. Then,
you hold theirs sometimes too. But who has time for that anymore really. Or the energy or desire. There is not enough space for two in this world
anymore it seems. Just enough space for one. Every man for himself.
As you did say, however, that twinge of loneliness does creep in once in a great while and you have to deal with it, but then it moves on as all
emotion does. Personally, I think it's simply brain chemistry of the moment.
It moves on. As all emotion does. I see. Yes. It must be simply, brain chemistry of the moment. I don't think it could be anything real I suppose.
Just brain chemistry, running amok. I am so very glad it is this way for some people. Especially the people I care about. I would hate to see them
suffer loneliness. I guess I sometimes suffer it for them. So to speak.
If you DO want a relationship to come your way, however, you have to occupy a "target rich environment". I hope you don't deny yourself that.
I think this ties in with the concept above, about loneliness being so brief, and not really a true thing, but only temporary brain chemistry
misfiring. Some may find comfort in target rich environments. I don't give it much thought or haven't lately.
There is no such thing as a relationship that doesn't require you to adjust something about yourself in order to maintain it. Whether it's
divesting or severely restricting a former joy, attitude, possession or what have you or acquiring a new skill (dancing would be mine - I detest
things that I'm completely incompetent in) to please a new "significant other" there is always a cost. There is so much I wish I knew when I was
20+ but I doubt I'd had the intelligence to make use of it.
Adjusting would seem such a blessing to do if one wants love. I think anyway. I think it is okay to want to do that. To know it will happen, and that
the adjusting is such a tiny, tiny price to pay for what you get in return.
I think it is also okay to want to please a significant other. I guess that too, is something that has died along with the past. The pure joy and
pleasure of seeing someone you love feel joy and be pleased.
But it's a lie they told us, that everyone will find true love. That kind of love happens for so very few.
There will be people your soul guides you to, that will have to turn you away. It will never be their fault. And there will be people whose soul
guides them to you, that you have to turn away. If only the answer 'why', were available. Perhaps, there could at least be some comfort then. So it
makes me think, that for most of us, all we get to do is settle. Just settle really. And maybe, that has to be enough. That has to be... okay for
life. The settling. Only the few know what it feels like not to settle.
I sincerely appreciate every thought you have given in this thread, Ollie. I wish I was a better philosophizer on love. But I'm the last person who
really knows anything at all about it I suppose. I can feel, but I'm not that kind of smart to say anything is true one way or another, or try to
figure out my own tiny heart, who is most of the time a very ignorant child. And really, thinking and talking about love only ever gets me into a
deeper hole. So it's always better, if I don't attempt the darn conversation at all.
But I do thank you, for all of your time and thoughts...