posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 09:21 PM
As part of a court appointed mandatory public service announcement, Ted Nugent endorses this message.
1.: Try not to shoot anyone if there are people watching.
2.: I didn't mean to say that. Shut the camera off. We're doing this thing again.
3.: What do you mean this thing is live?
4.: Okay, okay. I get it now. I know where you live, Camera man, and you done pissed off the Nuge... But remember kids, if you find yer parent's gun,
put it back. If you have to play with it, don't get fingerprints on it either.
5.: I am sorry to that security guard that I crippled on my 'Midland America Anti-Obama-rama' Rock-a-thon tour. I did not mean to shoot him in the
spine. I swear, people just look like deer.
6.: If you're gonna put a gun away, fire it into yer ceiling to make sure it's empty. Try to make sure you're on the top floor when you do this.
Lord knows the Nuge knows how this can backfire, like in '86, when I crippled a missionary on the upper floor.
7.: I'll slap whoever I goddamned please. What does that have to do with gun control?
8.: If you don't want to get shot, don't look like a deer. Try shouting, "I am not a deer.".
9.: Try not to sound like a deer when you ask not to be shot.
10.: Them damned PETA nut-jobs, they keep coming up here. Don't they know I'm crazy, and that I have plenty of wall space for heads? They already
told me they was anti-gun. How dumb can you be?
11.: Human don't taste good. Tried it, didn't like it, try to hunt actual deer. I really don't mean to shoot y'all. I need y'all, to buy my
records. You just really look like deer.
12.: Whatever the thing claiming to be Paula Deen is, it isn't human. Don't trust it. Call me if you see "her", and I'll save your sorry life.
13.: Remember, it's safer to carry a gun with the safety off, because what if you really need to shoot someone, and in the time between toggling the
safety and pulling the trigger, you are shot? Remember the Nuge rules of safety, and always carry with a round in the chamber, safety off.
14.: Allow kids to have an age of innocence before you train them in fire arms. Wait until they're at least four for hand guns, and five for rifles
and shotguns. A child should be ten before they are trained in large bore automatic weaponry.
15.: I swear, these people who break in to rob me are asking for it, and I ask you to support House Resolution 18777, in which murder by firearm is
legalized in specialized scenarios (I.E. you are Ted Nugent, inside his home, with drifters you have lured in via trail of gin bottles).
16.: ATF? More like [CENSORED.]... Lousy bunch of peace loving [CENSORED] aren't fit to wash my [CENSORED].
Technical difficulties ended the "Ted Nugent Talks about Gun Safety" after that part.
In other news, anyone with information on Ted Nugent's whereabouts should contact their local constable. He's wanted for questioning in connection
to a string of deaths related to celebratory gunfire coming back down. It's probably nothing though.