I feel like I am being pulled back into an unhealthy relationship.

Emotional leeches like the woman you mention have to be peeeeeelllleeed off. They do not let go on their own. You must be firm and consistent in saying "NO!". No, I won't help you move your refrigerator. No, I won't fix your brakes. No, I won't be dragged into your current or any future dramas. NO!

There was a time I had emotional leeches in my life because I essentially had seriously low self-esteem and genuinely wanted to be helpful to people who asked. I saw myself as good-hearted. They saw me as weak and disposable.

Her problems are not your problems. Those kind of leeches will keep dragging you back into their self-created dramas as long as you let them. Just say NO and mean it. Eventually you'll learn to spot them a mile away and within 10 seconds of them speaking. Until then, just practice saying NO. I've had some of my former leeches come back after 20 years telling me how they've changed and I just say, "good for you" and keep right on ignoring them. Never let a leech back into your life.

You have something of value to offer or she wouldn't keep you around within leash range. She obviously has nothing of value to offer or if she does, she's not offering it to you so, again, peel her off and save yourself.

Right. So here is whats going to happen. You will go hang out with her on spring break. She will be nice, and flirt with you in public. Then you will come to find out that the flirting, was to make another guy interested in her. Then the end of the night comes, or the week whatever, and you find that she hangs out with someone else. Probably sleeps with them and not you, after Im sure you buy her drinks and spend YOUR time trying to kindle something thats not there.

So now you have wasted your spring break, met no chicks who can dig your style, didnt get laid, still sick like a little puppy following her around, and you feel like crap.

My advice? PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR A$$. You have to know you are worth more than that.


Dont waste your time with someone who is going to use you.

whitewave
Emotional leeches like the woman you mention have to be peeeeeelllleeed off. They do not let go on their own. You must be firm and consistent in saying "NO!". No, I won't help you move your refrigerator. No, I won't fix your brakes. No, I won't be dragged into your current or any future dramas. NO!

Interesting manner in which you phrased it..."peeeeeeeelllled Off" I agree. Well said Whitewave. Yup...been there and done that.

There was a time I had emotional leeches in my life because I essentially had seriously low self-esteem and genuinely wanted to be helpful to people who asked. I saw myself as good-hearted. They saw me as weak and disposable.

Yes..weak and disposable..or put another way..expendable and disposable.

Her problems are not your problems. Those kind of leeches will keep dragging you back into their self-created dramas as long as you let them. Just say NO and mean it. Eventually you'll learn to spot them a mile away and within 10 seconds of them speaking. Until then, just practice saying NO. I've had some of my former leeches come back after 20 years telling me how they've changed and I just say, "good for you" and keep right on ignoring them. Never let a leech back into your life.

I suspect that some of them have been doing it so long and getting away with it they know little else and it is a lifestyle to them. They know little else except that their relationships dont last long.

You have something of value to offer or she wouldn't keep you around within leash range. She obviously has nothing of value to offer or if she does, she's not offering it to you so, again, peel her off and save yourself.

Yes...something she may not want to handle or do herself but not necessarily what she wants or desires out of life.
The trick is to see what of real intrinsic value she has to offer in life. This is very difficult in males or good minded people who have learned by sports conditioning or being noble to " Rescue" Chivalrously and without thinking about the value of what they are doing. Mind you ..nothing wrong with being noble..just dont be ignorant about it.

This is a difficult pattern to break.

Thanks,
Orangetom

This time, I ain't biting.

The bait doesn't look too good to me anymore.

See, when a person projects desperation, it's not exactly attractive.

A very strange mirror of myself from the old days, but I'm not interested in those games.

There are plenty of crazy women at the local campus, each with their own strain of madness.

Heard one girl say she wanted to be a dog, today. And it became apparent in my mind that this was real life.

That my reality was insane. I met a girl named Frashawna, or Frashawnda, or something like that. She was the sanest person I spoke to today, some cute girl with an unusual name. Spoke with her a while, waiting for the bigwigs of the drama club to show up, but the bigwigs never showed.

So, I just watched what appeared before me, and it was enough of my daily dose of crazy.

See, broads like Jess are a dime a dozen in the glorified high school that is community college. Girls who think they're Machiavelli in red satin. Girls with mental problems and codependent habits, they stalk the halls like lions across the Savanna.

Then, there are ones who are actually in their right minds, and one usually has to keep a careful eye out for those, because more and more, it's becoming hard to find anyone like that.

But if it's between giving up my dignity to be in a relationship with a person who may or may not have an undiagnosed mental problem, and staying single, I'd rather stay single. I have more than a few screws loose myself. But they're lodged in the right places to keep me functional. At least for the time being.

Besides, no private eye story ever started with a fellow in a healthy relationship with a dame. Maybe this'll all just be inspiration, ammunition for a pulp detective novel one day. You never know.

reply to post by CellDamage420


your loved and will continue to be loved...

Yeah, I hate that. What you do is give it a cooling off period of a few decades.

Then, when you see that she eventually came to believe in, even promote, everything that you instantly scoped as NWO, and even befriended the idol-instigators, it's pretty easy to overlook the head ripping sex, and stuff.

It's the little things that count. That 'tsk' you heard when she saw that you were enjoying a favorite song, again.

The way she crossed her legs, smashing the entire bedroom in one small gesture, once she learned the ropes. Yeah.

As a last resort, send her a ballistic message, whenever you feel like she's lurking. Remind her that she tried to trick, and trap you, as a last ditch love prop, and that she only cried because she was out of her favorite powdered desiccant.

Works for me.

# 194

Oh, goddamn it. It's happened again...

Relapse. Ended up talking to her tonight. Nothing too severe, but that tightness in the chest, that old feeling...


Damn it. I wish I were a sociopath. I wish I felt nothing.

reply to post by Grifter42


I know this sounds stupid and desperate, but please, anyone, help me stop this before it starts again. I need help. Please.

reply to post by Grifter42


Disregard last few comments.

Box of wine is not a good influence.

Alcohol: Making people act stupid since 10000 BC.

reply to post by Grifter42


Grifter42,

I know Grifter..I've done that ..alcohol..and relapse...

Just remember...many women psychologically think that if they get you so sleep with them it is the same as marking out territory or conquering territory. Not all women but many of them. It is the psychology which is telling.
That is why you need to develop the tools to know or see what she will not tell you.
This can be very powerful on them when they realize you can see what they do not want you to know.

But if you continue to be weak...they will take advantage of it and by this you.

Up to you..you are driving your own bus and responsible for it. Just remember if long term ..you know how fully bad this woman is for you. THese are the discernment tools you want to develop for your use and strength.

Are you able to get this woman to see what is really missing from your life?? Or is she able to turn you back over to her agenda...and leave your plans and agenda for hers??


Measure this carefully..for long term consequences and potential.

Thanks,
Orangetom

reply to post by Grifter42


I understand what you are going through. In the end you have to just see it through. Sometimes we choose to hurt ourselves, knowing full well that there is no end in sight that offers an alternative to the suffering we crave.

You need to be hurt by her more. It will be enough when you have had enough. Until then, there is little to do or say.

After that though, you can begin to pick yourself up and head in the right direction. Life is all about balance. When you seek an imbalance, you find it, and stay with it until you choose the correction. Once you choose, just remember your choice and move forward.

There is no time wasted but that which is spent thinking you are fine when you are not. Falling is Ok, and really, is important to the process. You will not be "up" until you put yourself there. You will only see yourself standing once you have fallen and know what down really is.

Good luck.

You will be fine.

reply to post by tadaman


Yeah, a night later, further fueled by the machinations and plots of box wine, I ended up telling her that we couldn't be friends.

To quote American Psycho, I told her, "You're not terribly important to me anymore."

I told her that she played men. That she was the type of person to take advantage of people. That she was using me as a spare tire. She still has like four or five pseudo-boyfriends, but I was sick of talking to her. It is someone else's problem, her mental stability and lack of morality. I feel sorry for the poor bastard who marries her.

She of course is no longer on speaking terms, but I got closure. I got to tell her how I actually felt about her. No more chit-chat about the weather. Nope. I told her she's a scumbag who treats men like objects, an emotional vampire, a manipulator, and just a generally awful human being.

She called me a jerk, and maybe I am, but it doesn't negate the validity of what I said. If a man did the sort of thing she does, he'd be considered a chauvinistic pig.

She's like one of those wasps, who stings a cockroach in just the right part of the brain to turn it into a zombie in order to lay eggs in it. She ought to have a warning sign on her.

But I ain't falling for it. When in doubt, noir it out. Sure, it's irrational, pal, to create a noir alter-ego as a defense mechanism against manipulative skirts... But my situation was reminiscent of the Maltese Falcon, and I ain't taking the fall for any broad.