Good Lord almighty Grifter 42,
You have me busting out in laughter and at the same time wanting to knock you block off for repeating the same pattern I used to carry out in my
This is not a video game. It is not a movie or television program.
It is obvious that your view of life out here is tainted by movies, television, and video games. This is not real life. It is phony, ersatz,
The sad thing is it taints our emotions to where we also, because of this
altered, phony understanding, make bad emotional decisions concering our lives. Decisions based on emotional instant gratification beliefs...which are
happy movie and television beliefs.
I am often very quick to note when listening to a group of people...who it is who cannot explain or define a concept without referring to a movie or
television program they have watched. This tells me that these people are living second hand..vicarious lives. They have no real life experiences of
their own or knowledge by which to make important decisions. And how we handle or dont handle our relationships affects our lives decisively.
I've known several women like the one you are describing. I wanted to be there to "Rescue" then and by this "Try out " for their approval. To
"Flashdance " them through lifes hurdles. The problem with them is that they had no appreciation for this. They looked on it as a weakness. And with
them it was a weakness. For you see...I thought these women were more honorable than I. I found this line of thinking to be in severe error.
The sad truth about them is that they normally choose men or males who treated them badly. They had no appreciation for a man who treated them
decently. They would keep you around for bad or hard times and solving problems for them but only keep you at arms length. You were handy...but not
This kind of behavior from a male is called "Trying out for approval." Like trying out for the baseball team...tryouts. I no longer do this kind of
conduct. I have learned that my time and emotions/disciplines are valuable commodities in the marketplace.
Grifter42...when you try out for approval with this caliber of women ..she very quickly detects weakness in you and begins the process of leading you
..not you leading her. You know ...like in dancing..except that she is leading you..separating you from your labor, time, and monies. Wise up here
Grifter42. Understand now why she does not respect you ..but respects someone else whose vision she is attracted to but may be bad for her...at least
long enough to get them into bed knowing it wont last long.
The women I have known like this usually do not have long attention spans in their personal lives. They can function in their jobs but their personal
lives are a train wreck and they work hard to hide it from you to present appearances which are not true.
As someone aptly stated..they are vamipires..emotional vampires.
I have learned that my ability to take RISKS to solve problems is not to be easily manipulated or made disposable and expendable for a womans second
hand conduct...or third or fourth hand conduct.
This kind of behavior in this kind of woman relies on your ignorance and emotional weakness. And a woman will not respect a male who is weak in these
She may find him handy from time to time to solve problems and issues she does not want to do for herself..but she will not respect him.
I too was called to come over to help this woman with her dog...and when the dog died I burried the dog for this woman. Then it was back to arms
Finally I realized this woman was a bad drug upon me and it was my fault for letting her put me on such a drug very cheaply on her end. I swallowed
the drug lock stock and barrel because I did not realize I was selling myself short for something not worth it on her end.
I will introduce you to another word and concept in understanding.
When you spend so much time "Trying out for approval " from a woman and she keeps you at arms length ..for more control and trying out...this is
called also "High Maintenance." You are tending to do alot of things for her to rescue her from one percieved calamity after another. But you are so
busy "rescuing " you never stop to ask yourself ...who was doing this before I came along and why are they not helping her now.
Answer...because she used them up ...like she is using you up in your ignorance.
That is why she called you back up...there was no one else..she had used them up.
I am a machinist by trade in a shipyard. I take RISKS for my monies. MY work requires disciplines. I also have a specialty qualification as a nuclear
refueler. I put nuclear fuel cells into reactors. THis means I take serious risks for my monies.
I do not know what kind of RISKS you take for your monies...but I have learned that when I take first place RISKS for my monies ..I do not want
second, third, or fourth place conduct from the woman in whom I am in attendance and spending my hard earned monies on her. Remember this the rest of
your life...no matter what you do for a living.
As I have posted here on ATS several times...Peace is the most valuable commodity a good woman brings to a man...not Piece.
It is not difficult to get many women to take off their clothes. It is however ..very difficult to get a woman to give you the commitment which brings
you Peace. Not the appearance of Peace..but real Peace.
I know and have known women for whom Piece is the only tool in their knowledge and tool box. Outside of that they know very little.
This woman you describe sounds like she can never bring you Peace...only Piece. Not a good trade off for a man...because on the other side there will
be so much rescuing and flashdancing for you to do...not peaceful and not a good tradeoff. This is why it is "High Maintenance."
As you mature you will figure this out in more detail and be able to handle it. If not you will find there are lots of variations of this kind of
woman out there.
They love to stick ignorant males like you into the "Friends Zone." Do not let them do this to you ..it is second hand conduct to you while you are
expected and defaulted to bring them first fruits.
Learn and teach yourself not to emote so easily and give up that television and movie education. This kind of television and movie education dumbs
you down in handling your relationships..and away from reality. It puts you on weak fantasy ..not reality.
It makes you expendable and disposable for her fantasys. Not a good tradeoff. She believes fanstasy is for her..not you..ie..high maintenance. Wise
One more thing Grifter42. This is a very important life lesson...for your whole life. This is also an education you will never get in college or high
school. Never. You must learn it in the school of hard knocks. Drop her like a bad habit..but also learn to appreciate the lesson and hard knocks she
is teaching you...not intentionally..but teaching you nonetheless. For you will be applying it down the road on other women for sure.
Hope this helps,
Lots of good advice on this thread,
edit on 3-3-2014 by orangetom1999 because: (no reason given)