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Are you a psychological rapist?

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posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 01:05 PM
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reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan
 


I have never said that I have it all worked out.
But I could also go and find disgusting idiotic mysogynistic comments that men have made about women on this site and elsewhere. But they don't have relevance to this thread.
Do I think women should be able to do any job? Yes if she is physically able.
Ability is all that should count not gender.




posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 01:24 PM
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WilsonWilson
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan
 


I have never said that I have it all worked out.
But I could also go and find disgusting idiotic mysogynistic comments that men have made about women on this site and elsewhere. But they don't have relevance to this thread.
Do I think women should be able to do any job? Yes if she is physically able.
Ability is all that should count not gender.


You can. But what I am saying is said really isn't disgusting. Just a bit militant.
And it is completely relevant to this thread. We are talking about respecting other genders.



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 02:36 PM
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calstorm
reply to post by TDawgRex
 


I am sorry for what happened to you, but please don't lump all women in the same category as this one. She may have had psychological problems you didn't know about.


I would bet that she did. She was babbling as her friends led her away with something along the lines of "Why don't you take a picture you pig!". Actually, that is the one line I do remember from that encounter.

My buddy was roaring and asked me what I said to her to set her off and when I told him I was looking for him and the beer all I got was a "Yea, sure, sure." with a sly smile. He still doesn't believe me.

It scares me to think that this woman could have had me arrested, for no other reason than she was pretty and I'm a trollish looking character. I'm sure that there have been women out there who do such a thing. Just because they can and they get their kicks out of being psychos. Obviously, not all women are like that, thank Dawg.

I have five older sisters, and no brothers, so I learned to be a Gentleman early on. Of course, they weren't very lady like as they were always being mean to me, though in a humorous manner. I like to say I was bitter about women by the time I was ten.

edit on 4-3-2014 by TDawgRex because: Just a ETA



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 07:27 PM
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reply to post by redhorse
 



"Hey baby come sit on my face" is worthy of ridicule, but if you want to defend crap like that as part of "men's culture" then to each their own I suppose;


The fact that you assume that the above, ridiculous hyperbole, is what is considered 'men's culture' proves exactly what I'm talking about.

~Tenth
edit on 3/4/2014 by tothetenthpower because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 08:42 PM
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Be the change you want to see in the world.
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan
 


My favorite quote in the world
And it is so true. We are never going to have equal rights until we start treating each other with mutual respect...male or female, it doesn't matter. And part of respect is listening to people seriously when they say they something makes them uncomfortable...even if from your viewpoint it looks like no big deal.



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 08:53 PM
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tigertatzen
And part of respect is listening to people seriously when they say they something makes them uncomfortable...even if from your viewpoint it looks like no big deal.


Now you're getting it. Everyone has a story to tell.

When I become comfortable enough around the people I know, I let loose with my twisted sense of humor. More than once people have told me that I have crossed some line. I always apologize and keep that in mind. Of course, it doesn't really forgive the line I crossed pertaining to that individual, but at least I now know it exists.
edit on 4-3-2014 by TDawgRex because: Spelling! Always with the big fat fingas! Crap!



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 11:04 PM
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Were I to walk, at night, on a street towards a woman, how would that woman respond? Would she cross the street to the other side to lessen our interaction?
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan
 


I can tell you that I personally would not cross the street. I would not for three reasons:

1) I am very diligently scanning my surroundings as I walk. If a man (or a woman) is walking toward me, that is actually reassuring to me personally. I have time to look at the way they walk, their body language and posture and get a read on my gut feelings. Day, night, good neighborhoods or bad, public areas or not, this is how I approach people walking in my path. I can see you, you can see me. If someone is walking behind me, I don't turn around and look, don't change my gait or my posture. I do slow my walking speed, however. I start slowing my pace so that by the time the person gets right behind me, they are going to do one of two things. They are either going to get annoyed and walk around me, or they are going to say "excuse me" or something to prompt me to move over so they can go by. I do this to everybody, regardless of gender...anyone could be a threat to me in some way and I like to be prepared for that.

2) It would show fear and would be a sign of weakness. Statistically, men who are intentionally trolling for women with the intent to commit rape are drawn to the timid ones, for simple reasons: they don't look like they will put up much of a fight. They want the ones who are distracted on their phones or navel gazing, not aware of their surroundings. Predators are looking for prey, not a good ass kicking, so they will avoid women who are alert, confident, and make eye contact. Same thing with non-sexual predators like muggers...they don't want anyone who might put up a scuffle. Crossing the street away from someone in case they might be one of the bad guys (or girls) is a concession of power. If the person actually happens to be a depraved rapist, you might very well be painting yourself as a target by obviously avoiding them.

3) I wouldn't want to insult someone or offend them. Because not every guy walking down the street is a rapist, just like not every woman is good at making sandwiches and knitting. I would wonder what it was I did wrong if someone crossed the street to get away from me, and it would be a pretty obvious thing to do...kind of hard to hide that you're avoiding someone who can clearly see you avoiding them.



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 11:15 PM
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tigertatzen

I'm sorry but what you are describing and what is described in the OP are not remotely the same thing. "Shyly looking" at a woman is not the issue. The blatant staring, the stalking, the whistling and lascivious remarks, the blowing of kisses...I even had one man snap his fingers at me as if I were a dog. That is the behavior we are talking about. Not some shy, innocent smile. That is another example of taking something and running with it. Absolutely no one is saying that glancing at a person is rude. Honestly, I think the next time I go to the store I will take a video so you all can see firsthand what we are talking about.



I think we are talking about two different things. You seem to be on the defensive for some reason, like the rude behavior that you describe above is in some way being debated as not bad in anyway... I fail to see anyone suggesting your examples are ok.

What I'm talking about is we tend to go past the point of reason too. "Sly comments or stares" where part of the list for psychological rape....so yes it was described in the OP.

My other point is this is all one sided and women also do their own blatant sexual behaviors too.



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 11:43 PM
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reply to post by Xtrozero
 


"Sly comments or stares" The problem with that statement is that it is too broad. There are harmless sly comments and stares, and there are threatening sly comments and stares that imply malicious intent. Perhaps they should have been more specific.

Yes, women do this this too, but a larger percentage of men than women do this.

I tried to find a video that showed the difference between harmless cat-calling and threatening cat-calling, but I was unsuccessful, but I the more I thought about it the more I realized that body language can play a bigger role than the whistles and comments alone.

You can tell when a man is just goofing off for his buddies or just doesn't know how to approach a woman and when his is thinking more sinister thoughts. Deliberate sexual gestures in anyway shape or form from a guy alone or a guy with a group of friends that are in touching distance of your person, can be very intimidating, much less so if they are at a distance.

If the man blocks your path, that is when it gets very frighting.

I once had a man pull his car right up next to me in a near empty parking lot with his window rolled down close enough to grab my arm, it was the proximity, that bothered me so much more so than his words. The words were harmless, and as I look back on it 15 years later, he was harmless, just clueless, but he invaded my personal space.

I have had a "threat of rape" (meaning the comment made implied a forcible act) that was less threatening, not that it was Ok in anyway shape or form, but there was enough distance people and objects between us, that it was clear the guy was just being a moron.



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 03:21 AM
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WilsonWilson
Do I think women should be able to do any job? Yes if she is physically able.
Ability is all that should count not gender.


I assume you oppose gender quotas then?



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 08:06 AM
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I think we are talking about two different things. You seem to be on the defensive for some reason, like the rude behavior that you describe above is in some way being debated as not bad in anyway... I fail to see anyone suggesting your examples are ok.
reply to post by Xtrozero
 


I am replying to your post, but this is really long because I'm adressing everyone on multiple points...my apologies but it was just easier to make one long response.

Every single person who has defended that kind of behavior, made excuses for it, implied that we deserve it because we had the audacity to go out in public wearing something other than baggy sweatpants, implied that it was ok to do those things because it's the way shy guys try to let us know they are interested (therefore it must be harmless), that we aren't thinking for ourselves because feminists are controlling our opinions on what makes us personally uncomfortable...because they somehow magically know what we're thinking. Every single person who threw that out there...viciously, I might add...bashing women and ridiculing us in general for expressing our feelings regarding the subject matter is by proxy suggesting that the "rude behavior" given in my (and others') scenarios is justifiable and therefore, completely invalid. If I seem defensive in some of my posts it is only because I have been attacked, and watched the same person attack others as well, for explaining why we feel the way that we do about this type of behavior. For example:




American Feminism has quickly degraded into a mental illness on par with paranoid schizophrenia. Seriously, look at the parallels.
---implying that we are not only "feminists", but we are also quite insane, therefore our claims are invalid.



I think you should probably be taught that plenty of women do not need you making absurd generalizations about them. There are in fact, many places in the world that the woman are strong, pig headed and would never say they are "distressed" by "sly comments" or "stares".
--implying that what we are describing is "absurd" and therefore, invalid.




I think it comes down to showing people what you like/don't like. The main problem is people not knowing themselves and giving false signals.
--implying that if we are being harassed in some way, it is most likely our fault for giving "false signals".




Seems like you have a severe distaste for men unless they fit into whatever box you have for them.
--implying that if someone is harassing me they really aren't...it's just my "severe distaste for men" clouding my perception.




I would hazard to guess some of the behaviour you witness is actually in response to how you act yourself.
--implying what? oh yes...that the behavior i "witness" being done to me is caused by quietly minding my own business and not bothering anyone. of course, that seems totally legit.




Stop taking yer clothes off for cash and well stop buying into it.
-implying that because female strippers are the reason that millions of creepers all over the planet pick on women who are not in fact strippers...if all the strip clubs, brothels, and porn industry suddenly stopped requiring women to take off their clothes, the rest of us would be safe from said creepers.




Plenty of girls have their fare share of escapades at the bar, they simply make sure when they do it they are in control. Don't end up in a bad spot.
--implying that women who have experiences like this are faulty somehow...and that's why they got in "a bad spot".




Where it gets hazy is when a girl lets a guys demean them for their actions. Soon as that happens it sets them into this weird thing where they start feeling shame, and some ass guy will think whatever they get from them should be mandatory.
--implying again that it's the woman's fault, for feeling shame...the behavior is only demeaning because we let it feel that way...if we don't "let" it, we will magically find that we actually like being subverted. It's fun!!!




Communication skills are key for women.
--implying that we don't communicate adequately, therefore they don't know we don't like it.




The thick of it is, this stuff is easily brushed off. Unless it is intended to be creepy, and the persons actions are going to go beyond the words, or they don't lay off after you show disinterest, it's just human behaviour.
--implying "meh, no big deal, brush it off." Saying that if someone approaches you and you show disinterest, and they continue to bother you...it's just "human behavior" and nothing to worry about. Really OP?




Being afraid makes you a victim before anything has actually happened to you and predators sense that.
--another implication that it is our own fault...if we are afraid, we are just asking for it.

Those are just a few examples of what I'm referring to. Perhaps that might clear up any confusion about how a person might seem a tad defensive about a topic like this with all of these people trying to diminish the very real and yes, sometimes scary, encounters that they've had with "predators", essentially calling them liars and attempting to discredit them by implying that they are just making a big deal about nothing.

I live alone, in a fairly bad side of town, and I am very, very good at brushing off advances...not just from guys trying to hit on me, but sales people or people trying to give a religious spiel...I have that down to a science. As I stated before, I walk everywhere because I do not own a car. This is a big city with an impressive crime rate...it would be silly not to have at least a little fear in the back of your mind to serve as a reminder that you're not invincible and should not get complacent about your surroundings...familiarity breeds contempt after all...and complacency can get you killed. That is a harsh reality, but necessary...fear is an emotion we need to feel and not supress or ignore. It is what causes your body to pump massive amounts of adrenaline to your muscles that will enable you to run, should you need to flee for safety. It is also what keeps us alert and watchful as we walk along, increasing our awareness to possible dangers in our path. By proxy, it also decreases our chance of becoming a target at all because predators are not going to single out an alert, aware and watchful person who will likely give them trouble...they want the complacent ones who wander into harm's way because they forgot how to recognize danger. Fear does not make victims out of people. If anything, it does the opposite.

It has been very disturbing...and eye-opening...to see how many people have posted comments intended to belittle those of us who have shared sensitive emotional experiences in an attempt to illustrate why this behavior is so upsetting. And how many have implied that it is somehow our fault that these creepy guys choose to harass us in this manner. Interesting also to note how many women thanked the men who recalled personal situations where they were harassed by a woman, and expressed empathy for them having gone through that ordeal. And how many men not only did not acknowledge that anything wrong had been done to the women, but said it was their own fault...or that it was deserved...or we were exaggerating about it. Because it's so easy to mistake a person who is only "shyly looking at us" in the most innocent of ways for someone who is blatantly staring, raking their eyes slowly up and down your body, winking, smirking, making 100% sure that you see them doing it. Right.



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 08:41 AM
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This much I certainly agree with. Kinda strange that people are calling you out on the rolls of quarters, while at the same time they advocate the carrying of firearms for self-defense. There's nothing wrong with what you've done, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Bravo!
reply to post by Cathcart
 


Thank you! Yes, it is rather strange to me as well...just gets everyone in a dither if someone has an actual game plan for those pesky little self-defense moments that crop up in life...the same people who were attacking me for revealing my habit of carrying enough weight in my bag to TKO anyone if i need to are the ones saying that women need to stop being so "fragile". Well? Which one do they want? Sure, I could get a concealed-carry permit and a gun...but I don't, for one very good reason. What if I was wrong? Better to clock someone with a weighted bag than to shoot them...if I'm wrong about their intent, I can always apologize for giving someone a mild concussion. But for killing them with a gun...not so much. That's a pretty permanent condition.

I think I can understand a lot of the anger that people have been expressing on this thread, about feeling stereotyped or insulted at the thought of women being on the defense, even against the "nice guys" like themselves out and about. I imagine it feels much like the anger that I have when people make such stunningly stupid remarks as "all women act like they are helpless and need a white knight in shining armor to come and save them". I mean...ain't nobody got time fo dat!



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 08:42 AM
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reply to post by tigertatzen
 




You are both smart and tough. Good traits.

When I was younger i would stop and help folks broken down on the side of the road. I helped more than 1 elderly person change a flat in my day. I stopped doing that after a few incidents where I would pull up and have someone locked in their car, looking at me terrified.

A jumpy, scared person with a gun, sitting in their car.....i didn't want to end up shot. So have just quit stopping for folks on the side of the road.



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 09:10 AM
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tothetenthpower
reply to post by redhorse
 



"Hey baby come sit on my face" is worthy of ridicule, but if you want to defend crap like that as part of "men's culture" then to each their own I suppose;


The fact that you assume that the above, ridiculous hyperbole, is what is considered 'men's culture' proves exactly what I'm talking about.

~Tenth
edit on 3/4/2014 by tothetenthpower because: (no reason given)


And the fact that you would reduce a common occurrence as "ridiculous hyperbole" proves what I am talking about. Sure there is a men's culture, and I don't really have a problem with most of it. What I do have a problem with is that aspect of it that ignores, or explains away crappy behavior or (more commonly) by telling women that have experienced those nastier characters that they must be exaggerating, or are just too sensitive and can't take a joke or it doesn't happen enough to be a problem and they should ignore it.

Many men don't like to admit that aggressive and lewd behavior like that is common place, and so they make excuses for it, often by simply turning the attack on women (as you have done here). Basically what you are saying is I should ignore the bad stuff because it doesn't happen very often and obviously it is an outrageous outlier (or possibly I am just making stuff up to make a point, I'm not sure which). Neither is true, that level of "ridiculous hyperbole" was common enough and worse (that I have refrained from writing down as we have been reminded to "keep it clean").

Either way, I've heard this "Oh you that doesn't happen often enough to worry about it" intimation twice in this thread. But it's not an outlier or a rare occurrence. In larger cities I heard stuff like that (and then some) walking down the street or to my car. If you go to a club they sidle up to you and say worse, or grab you (generally T or A) and disappear into the crowd. So make whatever excuses you need to in order to maintain this false idea that not enough men do crap like that to matter, but your willful ignorance is as great an instigator for that type of behavior then the men who do it. You are illustrating exactly why they know they can get away with it. Because most men pretend it doesn't happen and women who say anything or complain are blown off with some B.S. excuse or blamed. That actually makes me far angrier than that physician that blatantly copped a feel, or the countless lewd remarks I've gotten just walking to the corner store.


edit on 5-3-2014 by redhorse because: (no reason given)

edit on 5-3-2014 by redhorse because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 09:19 AM
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reply to post by tigertatzen
 


I agree 100% on this post. You broke down the predators mentality exactly in my opinion. If you look like a hardened target they will pick some one softer as a target. It's just business to them. You are right in that post completely.



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 09:22 AM
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tigertatzen
I carry four rolls of quarters in the bottom of my bag at all times just in case i need to drop someone with them...have for years.


Strange and ineffectual behavior, but maybe it makes you feel safe. Have you ever had to hit someone with your purse - in four years?

If not you might be suffering a delusion.

If really afraid, get a carry permit and be armed. Wear sap gloves, at least.

Sorry to hear you're this scared.



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 09:35 AM
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reply to post by TDawgRex
 



You are again assuming. I was assaulted by a woman for no other reason than looking in her direction. I had never seen her ever before. But she assumed that because she was pretty that I was staring at her, when in reality I was wondering when my bud was coming back from the bar with the beer and basically staring off into space. I did see her beelining at my table and said "hello" and that was as far as I got before she tried to slap me and started to yell all sorts of things. If she had connected, she would have walked away from that encounter a little less pretty. I don't take kindly to being attacked, by any sex, for no reason. But my mind was still trying to wrap itself as to why this strange woman was yelling at me.


Forgive me, maybe I missed something...did you and I have an exchange on this thread? Because I don't recall it, so I'm curious as to what am I assuming about? Again??

You seem to be referring to a statement I made regarding someone who was trying to dismiss someone else's story of being stared at as misinterpreting what was really "shyly glancing" at her, and therefore perfectly innocent. I wasn't saying that no one ever gets angry because someone looks at them. I said that no one who has commented on this thread has said anything about thinking a simple glance was the same as staring.

I am sorry to hear that you were treated that way. I have been mistaken for someone else before and I wonder if maybe she thought you were someone else?



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 09:40 AM
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Looks like Goshen college have deleted the article on their website, although the issue of psychological rape is being reported in the news. I agree that it should be made illegal because there are many people who are in positions where they don't know what to do about someone who is making their lives a misery without committing a current crime. Although the law would probably only prosecute serial offenders rather than arresting people ogling on the street. The BBC article still concentrates on female victims though, I don't see why gender should even be a factor. Male victims of domestic abuse is rising each year, and a victim is a victim regardless.


Psychological abuse should be made a crime in England and Wales in order to save more victims of domestic violence, campaigners have said. The groups, including Women's Aid, say current legislation focuses too much on specific incidents, such as an assault. They say the law fails to take into account power and control, which are the essence of domestic abuse. The Home Office said it would carefully consider the idea after a police review of domestic abuse was completed. Women's Aid, the Sara Charlton Charitable Foundation and stalking advice service Paladin have urged the government to criminalise "coercive control", patterns of abusive behaviour and causing psychological harm, in order to make it easier to prove long-running abuse.


Psychological abuse 'should be made a crime'



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 09:41 AM
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reply to post by tigertatzen
 


No...you didn't miss a thing. I was simply reacting to your reactions as this seems to be a touchy subject to you. We all have our stories of where the opposite sex has done something to wrong us.

It's kind of hard to offend me these days, but it seems like I have a tendency to offend many. To them I say..."Tough cookie buttercup...suck it up." That's life and I have more important things to worry about than some supposed slight.



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 09:45 AM
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reply to post by Maverick7
 


THe poster does have a point. I don't agree with the "being that scared" point or whatever. But, I tell people the first rule of self protection is to go armed. Carry at all times. You never know when you'll need to protect yourself. Using an equalizer is fair game when trying to protect yourself.

That being said and tying into the previous posters sorta point. A purse with a bunch of rolls of quarters at the bottom. Make a crummy weapon. Have you thought about the logistics of swinging the thing and actually landing a solid hit. It's not that simple. Having the roll of quarters in your palm when you hit someone makes more sense but it's still not the best way to go about protecting yourself. Get a small leather sap (if they are legal) if not make one. Bouncers use em cause they knock just about anyone out in one blindingly fast strike. They are natural and simple to use. There are many other options then a purse filled with quarters. Seriously that ain't going to work. Will probably piss the attacker off worse, at best dissuade him to disengage and go away, which is good, but it won't actually do much damage or hurt anyone. SO get a better more natural tool for self defense. I wouldn't go for a weapon like a gun, taser etc... they are harder to deploy tan you think in real life when someone just jumps you. Ie you aren't going to be able to deploy it at all.



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